


Halcyon

by mazelinka (ariatl)



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Custom Female Ryder | Sara, Depression, F/M, Friends to Lovers, think nexus uprising, this starts out in the early days of the nexus before the human ark hits andromeda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-02-22 15:57:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 37,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13170246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariatl/pseuds/mazelinka
Summary: The Initiative provided a safe harbor, a succor for those escaping a wretched life and running from pasts that seemed to cling to their bodies like ashes and the horrid stench of death. It was a simple idea – Andromeda.A new galaxy, a new life, a new you;It was a favored marketing slogan, sparking hope and excitement in those that applied, desperate for a coveted spot.Alec Ryder tried his best along with Jien Garson to provide a settled platform for the Initiative to start out, optimism twinkling in applicants’ eyes and holding their shoulders high as they settled down into their stasis pods to start out on the long, dwindling journey through dark space, ready to start anew.It’s a pity they didn’t make it to their supposed ‘golden world’.Just a little side note - this series IS still very much active, just mildly on hold while I deal with a lot of problems going on with my life right now. Things have started to look up again, and more chapters are on the way, very soon! Thank you all so much for your support and love with this series, you keep me going! I love you!





	1. echo

“Ainsley,” the fragility of the soft, lilted voice behind her took her by surprise, the spoon in her hand falling from her grip and clattering to the marble-lined counter as she glanced over her shoulder. Her mother. A soft smile warmed her, relaxing her sputtering heart. “Have you had a chance to look over what I gave you?”

It took her a moment to realize what she meant. “Oh,” Ainsley picked the spoon back up, glancing down at the rich, velvety-smooth cake batter lining the bowl before her face scrunched up in thought. “You mean that overlook for the contract with Barla Von? I have.”

“What do you think about it?” Gentle hands met her bare shoulders, toying with the hem of her tank top’s straps. It was warm in London – A rare occasion, one that Ainsley usually leapt to the occasion for. “It’s up to you, of course – I’d just taken the liberty of compiling all of the pros and cons for you.”

She sighed, almost exasperated at the thought. She appreciated it – It’s just that Alice is usually buried nose-deep in anything that can hold her attention for longer than a few minutes, to the point where she’ll disappear for hours focusing on it. That's why she's good at what she does, but at what cost? “You didn’t have to, Mom.”

“I _wanted_ to. Have to and want to are two different things. I know you hate when I sit around thinking about something too much, but It’s _your_ life. My baby girl’s life! I’m not about to let anything bad happen to you." Alice paused, before her expression faltered. "At least, not while I’m still around and kicking.”

“While you’re still ‘around and kicking’?” Ainsley snorted, waving the spoon around at her. “You’ve got a _lot_ of life left in you yet, old woman. Don’t be thinking that you’re going anywhere soon, okay?” She reached across the marble for the glass pan set off to the side, the soft _plunk_ of glass meeting metal making her pause. It almost tasted sour, her words. “And I’m not stupid, you know.”

“Oh,” Alice simply smiled, plucking the spoon from her daughter’s hands. She took ahold of the bowl and tilted it over the glass, carefully pouring the chocolate concoction into the pan. “I know that. I just want you to consider everything that could happen, my love. Those kinds of people are always out for themselves, never others – I would hate for you to start out on this grand, new adventure for something you’ve spent hours, let alone _years_ on, only to have it end in heartbreak.”

Something hit Ainsley, then, a soft pluck in her heartbeat making her hesitate. The steady thrum of her heart etched its way into her throat, making it hard for her to breathe - The outline of freckles that kissed endless galaxies across her mother’s pale skin seemed a little too familiar in a sense she just couldn’t explain, a small scar nestled beside her ear catching her attention.

That wasn’t there before. Ginger brows slowly furrowed as her eyes followed the line to more freckles that dusted the high points of her cheek, before they landed on a strange sight – Bruising, settled just off the side of her temple, twisting purple and blue blossoms behind her ear.

It fed away into darkness just beyond, a glitch in the matrix. Subtle, quick, just a flash of black eating away at a minuscule spot of flesh, but there, revealing a mass of deep, dark, and endless space.

Every fiber of her being stood at attention, static numbing her mind. It twisted listlessly, stars a blinding brilliance and far-away galaxies instantaneously turning amongst stacks of nebulae, quick-paced as it fed on more, growing and growing and _growing_.

Her senses screamed at her to _run_ -

Alice glanced over, quirking an auburn brow up in curiosity; It was one that shocked her right out of her near-trance, spiking the beat of her heart. She must’ve felt her staring. “Yes, my love?” She ran an idle hand through her mousy hair. “Do I have a fly on my head again?”

“I –“ Ainsley hesitated, swallowing down the muted fear that hid in the back of her throat, lying in wait as if to eat her alive if she so much as thought about it. She shook her head, tucking a stray line of ginger hair behind her freckled ear. Green eyes searched her temple for the glitch once more, just for the mere consolation that she wasn’t _hallucinating_ , only – It was gone. A shaky breath left her while a chill chased dizzying goosebumps up her spine. “No, you don’t. It’s – It’s nothing. I think I don’t feel all that well tonight.”

A frown pulled at her lips, before worrying them into a thin line. Alice set the bowl down, carefully placing the spoon inside of it, before reaching out to her. “Let me feel your forehead. Are you running a fever? I know there's been a nasty case of the flu going around, and -”

“No! No, it’s okay.” Ainsley ducked away from her touch, another shake of her head tumbling more hair over her face. She brushed it away, searching for an escape from the subject. “Uh, did Dad and Lukas finish setting up the game yet?”

“I’m not sure.” Alice eyed her for a moment too long for her likings, making her skin nearly crawl under her suspicion. She grasped the bowl once more, cascading a rush of relief through the ginger’s body when she reluctantly looked away. “Go check on them while I finish putting this bad boy in the oven, okay? I’ll join everyone in a few minutes.”

“Sounds good to me,” her voice came out a hair more awkward than she had intended, cracking on the edge as she disappeared through the cut-out doors of their kitchen.

Everything seemed… Off. Strange. As if, perhaps, nothing was real, a glitch in the matrix giving way to the fraying edges of the universe within her fingertips; As if she could find the slightest break of magma from the Earth’s molten core if she kicked the thin barrier of dirt on the ground outside of her home.

It scared her.

Wary eyes searched the wall that separated their kitchen from their living room, family photos nestled in neat rows against stark white; Happy faces, bright smiles, and warm touches all following her as she passed by. She could almost feel their stagnant eyes tracing after her, a breath caught in her chest that wanted to burst out in a brilliant explosion -

It left her in a rush as she crossed the threshold to their living room, the amicable sight of her father bent over in front of their television while her brother fiddled with the panel behind it one that made her relax. “How’s it going in here?”

“Oh,” Alec snorted, falling onto his back with a grunt to stare up at her with a lop-sided grin. “Not the best, but we’re making due. I knew this old girl was going to break soon, considering that she’s been with us since before you two were born, but… I’d hoped she would’ve lasted a little bit longer.”

_“This is an older model of the television’s make, Alec. They are not set to last longer than ten years, given the rise of favoring using omni-tools for entertainment purposes within the last century.”_

“Ever so helpful, Sam.”

A soft crack from the panel made Lukas hesitate. His hands hovered in the air, hesitant to move, before a brilliant spark fizzled into the atmosphere and a wire sprang free. He sighed loudly, punching the side of the metal with his elbow. “What if we got Sam to zap her?”

“You know we don’t use Sam like that, Lukas.”

“Like, rules and regulations aside, he _is_ yours.” A freckled hand wiped away the sweat that beaded on his brow. “You made him. Why not just… You know, get him to do what you want for a second? Like, it won’t kill you.”

_“I can hear you, Lukas.”_

The monotonous chime of the robot’s voice rippled through her ears as he tapped into their private channels, chiming back and forth in a ricochet across the back of her mind that made her head spin; It was as if they were in sync, one resounding against the other and probing against the steady-tell of a migraine forming. Barely, but there.

“Not only is he a free spirit,” Alec sharply rolled his eyes as he sat up, bunching his sleeves up over his forearms before folding his arms across his broad chest. “But, he is an _ally_ – Not a prisoner. We aren’t going to make him do our bidding, and we're certainly not going to force him to do _anything_.”

 _“Alec,"_  it was almost tangible; A soft feeling, hidden in the slight blip of his voice that felt out of place for an AI.  _"I_ _f you would like for me to run a diagnostic scan of the television, I would be happy to.”_

The look Lukas shot their father was _smug_ , pulling on the strings of irritation in the back of his throat. An annoyed sigh escaped the man, fingers scratching an irritated pattern at the base of his neck. “You’re incredibly lucky he likes to help.”

Alec sat up, flipping his omni-tool on. Orange flickered through the warmly-lit living room, saturating yellows with vivid colors that played so lovingly against each other over white-based walls. Grid-lines shuttered on, coating the metal-entwined television while a soft _click_ that danced around them.

_“One moment.”_

A pause.

_“It appears that one of the wires on the paneling inside has short-circuited. I can walk you through the process of changing it, should you have the proper provisions to repair it.”_

“Probably have some spare wires in the garage,” Lukas mumbled, brushing off his cargo shorts as he stood. “I’ll go check.”

“So,” her mother’s voice took her by surprise as her brother passed by them, a side-long glance over his shoulder earning a smile from the ginger. “How have things been going with your art, my love?”

“They’ve been going good,” Ainsley plopped down on their leather rocking chair with a soft sigh. She continued as Alice sat across from her on the sofa, her ankles crossing. “I started taking classes at Royal last month. I feel like my art has gotten _so_ much better already – It’s wild, you know?”

“It _has_. From what you showed me last night, it’s already _stunning_. I simply can’t wait to see where you’ll be in a few years.” An effortless smile graced her lips, inciting a strange feeling to prick the ginger’s chest. It was gentle, the moment between them, one that made her throat feel thick and full. “I’m proud of you, you know?”

 _That_ did it. A soft flush danced across her freckled cheeks, making her bite her bottom lip to stifle a grin. “I – I know.”

“Now, about that side job with Kesh…” Alice hummed. She looked concerned, almost, fingers worrying wrinkles into the lapel of her shirt. “How’s that going? I know you weren’t too happy with it last week.”

“ _Ugh_ ,” irritated hands rubbed down her freckled face while her body completely and utterly melted back against the cool fabric of her chair. Ainsley sighed. Loudly. If  _that_ didn't give it away, the frustration in her voice would. “I mean, it’s really... Hard. Kesh appreciates me and what I’m trying to do, but I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, so it’s almost like I’m more of a burden than a help.”

“Bubba,” Alec chimed in, catching her attention. Each word felt important, emphasized, as he met her gaze, and she nearly dwindled under it. “You’re not a burden. You’re _never_ a burden. Construction with the Nexus has flourished under your assistance, and I know that Kesh is grateful for you. She’s said it before.”

A blip pressed against the growing pressure at the back of her brain as Sam cut in. _“I have heard her express her inexplicit gratitude for you to quite a few people, Ainsley. I do believe that she has only said positive things about you, never anything negative.”_

“She wouldn’t have offered you the job if you weren’t a vital and qualified asset, love.” Her mother quipped in immediately, one right after the other. The flush on the ginger’s face only deepened. “You know this. You also know that, over anyone else there, she wouldn’t hesitate to speak her mind and let you know if that was the case. She doesn’t play games.”

“Yeah, I know.” She idly chewed her bottom lip for a moment, attempting to compose herself lest her burning cheeks get the best of her, before her brows furrowed. “And her dad is really scary, too, now that I think about it. Have you met him? Drack? I bumped into him the other day and it almost seemed as if he growled at me. Like he was angry, you know? But then, he laughed, and friggin’ rubbed the top of my head with his knuckles! I don’t know how to feel about him.”

Alice chuckled. Her nose crinkled in the cutest way, lovingly framed by freckles that seemed to dust every inch of her skin; It made Ainsley smile. “No, I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him yet. He sounds like a riot. Probably also one hell of a man for having raised Kesh, no doubt.”

That was obvious. Green eyes rolled as freckled fingers idly brushed through her hair, tucking a stray, ginger lock behind her ear.

“I also have to ask, because you know me and my pesky, little nose, but – How are things between you and Reyes?” The eagerness that danced within her bright eyes was one that made Ainsley’s stomach flip. “Have you spoken to him lately? I know you've been busy with university, but I highly doubt that's kept the two of you apart.”

Her heart almost stopped beating. The slightest hint of a nervous grin tugged at the corners of her lips, making her nearly squeak out her words. “Me and _who_? I don’t think I know who you’re talking about, Mom.”

"You know who I'm talking about." Mock confusion that flickered across the ginger's face made her lips purse. "Rey-es. _Reyes_."

"Who?"

Alice sharply rolled her eyes. “You know, Reyes Vidal? Only your best friend in the entire world? I mean - Aside from Javek, that is, that bloody botanist." She mumbled under her breath before shaking her head. "You know, I do, without a doubt, absolutely _hate_ it when you play this game with me, Ainsley.”

“I don't! And you know we’re just friends, Mom. Reyes –“ It was as if the moment she said his name, her senses were reawakened. A shudder rippled through their living room, knocking knick-knacks off of wood-lined shelves that clattered to laminate flooring; Creaking sparked from the corners of the room, panic intertwining through the air and –

A hard-hitting bang that shuttered through her body, dotting goosebumps and dizzying waves of sensations that washed over her in nauseating pirouettes, shocked her hazed surroundings into a mess of everything and nothing, all at once.

It felt out of body.

Ainsley could see herself, her _body_ , move without thought, rushing to grasp ahold of her mother against the cacophony of screeching noises – Alec barely had enough time to leap out of the way from the turn of their television pulling from its hooks before it fell to where he first sat, hardly managing to catch Lukas just entering the room in time for another quake to rush through their bodies.

It was jarring, harsh, each shudder one that ripped more of her home into nothing; Splotches of her family desperately holding onto each other, tears staining their eyes as they tried to keep each other in place, gradually melted away in haphazard chunks, like sand rushing through out-stretched fingers, engulfed in a darkness that ate away at every breathing thing, until –

A greedy gasp of air filled her muted senses.

Static screeched through the bleak air in sharp waves that made her body jolt further awake with each, the shadowed surroundings of the metal-entwined insides within her stasis pod running and blobbing together in a dark haze that made bile bite at the back of her throat. She couldn't take a deep enough breath, her chest crushed beneath an invisible weight.

_Warning, warning, critical systems failure –_

An error message pierced through the static. The steady, monotonous, and robotic voice that chimed into her overwhelmed ears made tears prick at the corner of her bloodshot, exhausted eyes as she forced them to open wide. She could barely see; Every ounce, every  _fiber_ of her being screamed _no_. The inside of her pod was going haywire – Red flashes of error signs surrounded her, breaking the darkness and casting violent rays over her body that made dread pool in her stomach, the muted rush of pins and needles coursing through her legs -

No.

_No._

She couldn’t feel her legs.

Electricity crackled over her head, stray wires sputtering and sparking every second; Metal twisted and formed unspoken barriers to her left, jutting across her body and pinning her still to reveal an amalgamation of cracks and breaks to her right that sprayed stale gusts of air. A foul smell leaked in, the tell-tale sign of cooling liquid escaping its container –

She couldn’t move.

Her lungs filled with ash-laden air that stung, burning her throat and skipping her voice when she tried to scream. It felt as though she hadn’t spoken in years, the hangover-haze of cryogenic sleep diluting her senses in a way that rendered her helpless. Air came out instead of words, breaking into a heady choke, before they finally managed to come out. “H…” It started slow, sputtering into more coughs. “Help!”

It felt useless - She's alone. _Alone._ She’s by _herself_. Nobody's going to hear her desperate pleas; Everyone's asleep, lost in the silence of their stasis slumber and locked away by a sound barrier unbroken.

Alone.

She's alone. And she’s going to die.

_I’m going to die._

A breath caught in her chest, growing and building until it was a bubble that threatened to swallow her alive in its grasp; Her throat squeezed, tighter and tighter, the furious beat of her heart enough to burst through her chest, constricting her veins and pinching her nerves while nails dug into the soft fabric of the bedding beneath her body. It hurt. Everything hurt.

The thought of her mother crossed her mind, stinging tears into the corner of her eyes; It was too much, too sudden, everything and anything all at once, the thought of never getting to see the wonders of Andromeda, exciting and new, breaking her with a whimper. Never getting to watch the look of hope flicker across her brother's face, never getting to watch the hidden light in her father spark alive at the sight of a blank slate, a new place, _his_.

She’s going to die. She’s going to die, she’s going to die, she’s going to -

A figure appeared behind the fogged, condensation-laden glass, the heat building up within the pod's humid interior beading sweat against her chilled forehead. Hope blossomed in her chest at the sight of hair that whipped from one side to the other through the window, the person behind it seemingly examining the inside for a sign of life –

Hair. It was a human.

A shaky breath left her.

_Move. Move! Do something, anything, to get their attention, Ainsley –_

A false hope nestled itself behind her chest, breaking the last resounding will she tried to use to hold back tears; One rushed down her cheek, a harsh gasp escaping her when her hands broke free from the jutting metal and slammed against the glass, hard and frantic. “Please,” over and over, muted thuds rushing behind dull hits, desperation breaking her voice. _I’m in here –_ Her nerves screamed on end, begging them to hear her despite her fading and cracking voice, dwindling. _I’m in here, I’m in here, I’m in here._ “P-please, _please_ –“

Another sway showed dark hair intrinsically twisted into tight braids, from what the vague silhouette slightly revealed. A soft noise started from behind the wall, and she had to struggle to hear it. “Oh, wait - I see movement in this one. Hey!” Its voice was feminine, but low; Rich, yet slightly nasally and obscured by the blare of warning sirens, as her hands met the glass. “You alive in there?”

Her voice didn’t want to work. She swallowed back the sting of tears, keeping her anxiety in check. “Yes!”

The figure stepped back, taking a moment to assess the situation, before tapping into something against the outer-most side. Her fist slammed into it seconds later. “Fuck, the panel is out - Alright, stay still. Gonna try to wiggle a few things to see what pops off first. Don’t move, got it?” Static and electricity sparking behind her words making it difficult for her to focus on them, despite her voice a breath above a yell. She continued at the quickest nod of the girl's head. “Remember your name?”

“Ainsley,” a screech muted her words, making her call it out again. “Ainsley Ryder!”

“Okay, you – Wait, what? Shit!” The realization of who, exactly, she was made her suck in a sharp breath of air, interrupting her train of thoughts. Wide eyes staring at her through the opaque window made her heart stop beating, paling her skin with unabashed fear. "It's the Ryder girl!" She whipped over her shoulder, shock in her voice as she called out to someone behind her, before she steeled herself and repositioned her grip on the metal, tighter than before. Determined. “Try the other side, see if we can get the top off. If not, get your goddamn crowbar ready!”

“Wait... What? Are you serious?!” A nervous voice behind her kicked in, slowly. Desperation pulled on it, a familiarity hidden in it behind the jittery cacophony of noises that made her heart beat faster with each. A shiver ran down her spine. “It’s Ainsley? Ainsley is in there?!”

She could almost put her finger on who it belonged to, the name resting on the tip of her tongue –

Her voice was a hoarse whisper. “Javek?”

“We need to hurry!” A shuddering creak echoed low through the pod, the frontal area of the metal gradually giving way to their conjoined efforts. The woman pressed her lips together, focused. “This pod looks like it’s about to blow and I don’t want to test its patience!”

“Got it!”

Grunts echoed under their breaths pierced the air, louder with each push, before the door loudly croaked and fell to the side with a shuddering crash, erupting smoke around her body. She could barely see the sight of their hands reaching in to grasp her, only to be hindered by the object pinning her body to the bedding.

Javek nearly screamed. “Are you kidding me?!”

“It’s –“ Ainsley could barely form words, rendered useless by chattering teeth. Chills – Something was off. Something was off and she couldn't figure out _what,_ the frigid sting of ice-cold air twisting up her spine and rushing across the touch of her skin. “It’s s-st-“

“Save your energy, Ainsley!” A squeak in the man's voice gave way to his anxiety. “Don’t talk!”

The jutting obstruction fought against them, each twist of her body only accentuating the harsh dig into her stomach. She whimpered. Time was of the essence, the smoke billowing faster and faster as seconds passed by and the fire hinted behind the gusts of wind growing closer. Scared, green eyes squeezed shut as she cried out in effort, weak arms pressing against the corner tweaks where it seemed just weak enough to loosen it, and -

It popped off.

Relief.

Pure, and utter, relief rushed through her body. She grasped the cold exterior of the pod before three-fingered hands grabbed her forearms, helping her out of her smoke-filled jail. Legs that had gone without use for far too long numbly stumbled, pins and needles etching dizzying trails up each one as she fell forward, away from the pod, before a hand steadied her. A knee buckled before she could stop it.

Blood rushed to her head, the fogged surroundings of the pod chamber melting and oozing into one, dark, incoherent mess that she just couldn’t figure out; Words babbled out of her, nothing and everything all at once, as a shocking realization spindled through her chest -

She couldn’t feel her legs.

A shoddy glance down revealed thick, menacing gashes and twisted rings bent into the black fabric of her under-suit, revealing angry, pale skin marred red in its wretched wake. Crimson stained deep shadows against the fabric, sputtering over freckled skin and oozing from hidden areas.

“I –“ Numb lips pressed together, swallowing down a terrified gasp. Bloodshot eyes glanced up, terrified; The familiarity of the orange blob in front of her briefly registered in her brain before her legs gave out, and the room melted into a shadowed blob that suppressed all feelings of sense as her body collapsed to the cold-tiled floor.

“Ainsley?!” His voice was shrouded in darkness, hazed on the edges and frayed with fear; Muted behind an endless mass of swirling fog, hinted, but there. It washed over her, growing softer, lighter, as she gave in to the wave of static-lined silence that coursed through her body, swallowing her whole and taking her away in a gentle breath. “ _Ainsley_!”

* * *

  
It took a moment before her senses slowly flooded in, rushing through her body and rousing the light from behind a darkness that seemed to hang over her like a dense, rain-filled cloud. One feeling sparked, prompting others to join in with a resounding ricochet, coming alive one at a time before tired eyes fluttered open –

A trembling breath left her as her surroundings gradually formed, taking place before her very eyes. She was in a bed. A hospital bed, that is, the white tiles a stark contrast to the obsidian-like walls laced with brimming technology that hummed through the room like a muted, undulated song, stuck on repeat and lost in an endless rhythm.

The medbay –

Only, it was in disarray. Beds were upturned, pillows ripped with stuffing oozing out and blankets throw haphazardly about the room; Lights flickered on and off, broken and flashing uneven red amongst seas of sputtering sparks from frayed wires that hung from holes in the ceiling, partial breakage revealing coolant leaking from loose tubes. The softest stirring of rustling fabric beside her made her body tense, glancing over only to find –

“Javek,” her voice cracked, hoarse from misuse.

The breath of pure and utter relief escaping the salarian was one that took her anxiety with it as he met her gaze. He was tired – Exhaustion clung to bags under his eyes, grasping ahold of his body as he sat up and blinked once, twice, before finally, truly focusing on her. The look in his beady eyes made her want to cry, taking the rich sight of her in before pulling her into a crushing hug.

“Oh, my God.” His voice trembled, a gentle whisper one that hinted at tears against quivering lips. “I thought you were dead.”

“I’m not,” those words felt strange to her - Talking felt strange to her, but it resounded something that she couldn’t place her finger on in her. Her words were an affirmation spoken more for herself, rather than him, that _yes, you’re alive, you’re breathing. You made it._ “I’m not.”

“It’s just – So many were killed on impact." A sniffle broke through his words while a sadness weighed them down. "Everything happened all at once, and –“

“Wait… Killed on impact?” Those words made her stomach sink like none other. On impact, _on impact_ – It’s jarring, the mere thought of that, just as soon as she’d barely gotten her bearings.

Her mind swam.

“Javek,” ginger brows slowly furrowed as he pulled back, her hands meeting his shoulders and digging into the dense fabric of his body-suit. It felt strange to her hazed senses, near velveteen-like, despite her knowing that it’s not. “What – What happened?" Fear hid behind her words. "What in the hell do you mean by ‘on impact’? 'Killed on impact'?”

“Something collided with the Nexus – We’re not entirely sure what it is, but something hit it. And hard.” A side-long glance over his shoulder revealed his reluctance. She followed his gaze, and caught the sight of a familiar woman walking in, ushering away a stray doctor with the flick of her wrist. He continued against the pound of footsteps. “We haven't seen visual confirmation on if something actually hit it, but that's what a few of us think happened.”

“There’s been no sign of an invasion,” it took a moment’s hesitation for him to continue. “Nothing to indicate an attack. But…” He took in a missing breath, before he quickly shook his head. “No, we… We don’t really know what’s going on.”

“We’ve been going around, digging out anyone still alive in their pods.” Sloane added in from across the room, eyeing her for a moment as her steps paused. “A lot were flayed alive like a goddamn roast – You’re one of the lucky ones.” Her words were laden with a hidden feeling she couldn’t quite put her finger on. It almost hinted at despair, meekly hidden in indifference. How long has this been going on? How many were lost for her to act like this? “So, know who you are, but don’t suppose that you know who I am. Security Director Sloane Kelly.”

“Right, we’ve met once before. At the pre-Andromeda party that my father held, if I recall correctly. Ainsley,” ginger brows slowly furrowed, her words coming out more murky and more mumbled than she wanted. A trembling hand carded through knotted hair as Javek pulled away, tucking it behind a freckled ear. She cleared her throat, only for her to recoil at the pain. “Though that much you seem to know. Assistant Director for Engineering.”

“Ah, that's right." Sloane hummed. "Forgot you worked for Kesh.”

Ainsley scoffed. “I forget all of the time. Especially when she crams me with Addison and tells me to play nice. I’d rather shank myself than spend more than two hours with that uptight bitch.”

"That right?" Sloane snorted. “You last longer 'round her than I can. Can’t even speak one word to her before I wanna punch her face in, though I know it wouldn’t solve anything.” She rolled her eyes, folding her arms across her chest. “Pah – Tight-stuffed collars and their ‘better-than-you’ attitudes. You didn't hear that from me, though.”

“I wasn’t blessed right off of the bat with patience, Director. It’s taken a steady buildup over a year or two.” Ainsley hesitated, before pinching the side of her mouth and dragging a line across her slightly-quirked lips. “But, your secret is safe with me.”

That earned an amused chuckle from the woman, the slightest shake of her head making the ginger smile. It felt out of place, almost, amidst the destruction and despair that seemed to hang in the air, weighing them down the longer they remained in silence. But, she deserved to take a moment of joy out of the shadows. Just one, at least.

A thought formed in her mind, and it turned into a question that she was hesitant to ask. Ainsley spared a glance over to Sloane, a shaky breath leaving her before she finally caught the courage to voice it. “How many, so far?”

“Sixty-five, if you don’t include the sectors we haven’t reached yet. Yours wasn’t the most damaged, and that’s where we found a good chunk of the dead bodies.” Each _click_ of Sloane's heels against the steel tile buried her heart further. “We haven't had a chance to really assess everything just yet, but it's bad. The Nexus wasn’t prepared for a hit like this, not by a long shot.”

“Sixty-five?!” That’s _way_ more than she had anticipated. Something like this... It’s bad. They were only allotted so many people to bring with them to this new and brimming galaxy, and already having lost that much? Just like that? The drop of her heart made her post-stasis hangover ache even worse, a throb in her head making her surroundings spin. “Shit.”

Ainsley swallowed thickly. The next question that crossed her mind sent a chill itching up her spine, twisting and curving around each nodule of skin and covering them with a kiss of frost. She didn't want to ask it, but she needed to. “And the leadership?”

Heterochromatic eyes glanced from one corner of the room to the other, taking in the sight of flickering medical equipment that seemed to be barely hanging on. It took a moment before she looked back over at her, seemingly afraid to speak. As if she  _couldn't_  tell her. She sighed. “Not a lot survived. Addison is alive, as is Kesh, but most of those summoned for arrival duties were killed on impact. Garson is missing, as well. Nobody's heard from her since... Well, since this shit went down.”

A freckled hand rubbed an irritated pattern across her face, the tell-tale sign of a panic attack starting to bubble in the back of her throat. Ainsley took in a soft breath, willing herself to breathe, to remain calm, before her words finally processed. "Wait..." Her brows deeply furrowed, caught in the moment; She peered through her splayed fingers at the woman as a breath hitched in her chest. "Arrival duties?"

"Yeah, arrival duties." Sloane sighed, a grim look on her face despite her near-joking tone. “We made it, ironically. Welcome to Andromeda - Looks like we got our work cut out for us, huh?”


	2. reverb

“We’re in Andromeda? _Andromeda_?” Ainsley looked over at Javek, a hope hanging in her eyes that outweighed everything else; That took away every other thought of fear and anxiety, that rushed through her body like a sudden burst of adrenaline. She couldn’t believe it. “We’re in a new galaxy? How did we – How – But – The Nexus –”

“A lot has happened,” Javek started before she could form the question that seemed to hang on the tip of her tongue. Footsteps resounded against her brain, making her flinch as he pressed her back against the cold sheets of the bed. She pouted, but complied. “You need to rest, okay? You’re safe here – Nothing should happen.”

“People are still in the waking up process – You just missed the one that helped us out with you.” Sloane idly gestured, glancing over at the empty space surrounding them. “Just a skeleton crew, though. We can’t afford to support more than absolutely necessary right now.”

“Yeah, I saw you wave him off. Where’s the others, then? I know, for a fact, that I’m not the only one injured out of this whole mess.” A cautious glance around the room revealed it empty amongst the ruin-lined beds, static sparking and lights flickering in unsteady bursts. “Why am I the only one here?”

“This medbay is the one used for Nexus Personnel only.” Sloane cleared her throat, folding her arms over her chest. “Most of them are either dead, or still asleep.” 

She felt stupid, really. “Oh.”

“You were the first one we found, anyways.”

“Okay…” Ainsley took in a soft breath. The attempt to move her legs, just one to bring them up to her chest, was met with… Nothing. _Nothing_? Panic swelled in the back of her mind, whispered in hushed thoughts.a She pushed them down. “When am I able to get up and help out?”

“You’re not.”

Those words made her senses scream, ringing out in a dizzying, never-ending chime when she sharply looked over to look at the woman. Her gaze met hers, and it seemed to imply something she didn’t want to think about. “Wait, what? Why?”

Sloane hesitated to answer, but that was all she needed.

Ainsley spared a vain glance over at the salarian, a rapidly-dwindling hope crushing her heart beneath its fist, only to have him glance away. Her lips trembled, cracking on the whisper that barely escaped her. “What?”

“You’ve lost most of the mobility in your legs,” Sloane started. It was a lot – As soon as those words had left her mouth, a feeling akin to a mix of pure grief and dread pressed against Ainsley’s ribcage, breaking her body in half with a gasp that burned her throat. Tears stung the corners of her bloodshot eyes, blurring the rush of goosebumps dotting her freckled skin, as she continued. “The thing that pierced your pod? Went right through your legs. Remember what happened after we pulled you out?”

“I…” A numb shake of her head was the only answer she could manage. She tried to, really; Her eyes focused on a spot just off to the side of the woman’s mouth, trying to recall the events that unfolded after being yanked out of her pod, moments before it overheated, but… She couldn’t.

“You were bleeding out. That’s why you right collapsed in his arms. We barely managed to scrounge up enough stuff to stem the bleeding – It was a nasty bitch, kept on going even after we applied a shit ton of medi-gel _and_ tried to stem it with whatever fabric we could find. Not to mention, you were incoherently babbling about a… Tide? No, a Vidal?” Her hand twisted in the air, grasping for the proper word, before shrugging. “Somethin’ like that.”

“Only one doctor was awake when we dragged you in here. We woke up a few more, trying to see if they could help.” The flicker of her gaze pulled on his heart in a way that dried his throat. Javek’s hand met hers, trying to steady her, to tether her to the thin grip on reality she had, only for her to pull it away. His expression faltered, before it fell. And with it, his voice. “There’s… Not a lot they could do given that most of our equipment was, and still is, malfunctioning, on top of the power outages that the Nexus is having.”

“So I…“ The words couldn’t seem to leave her mouth. “I can’t walk.”

“No, you can’t.”

This is real.

_It can’t be._

A shuddering breath escaped her as her gaze fell to her lap. She sucked in a gasp of air, trying to keep herself calm, but the familiar sting of tears welling in the corners of her eyes, obscuring her vision in a film of color, burned like no other. She swallowed thickly, hands unsteadily balling into fists, growing tighter and nails digging deeper with each pulse; Her mother’s voice numbly rang through her ears, and its whisper was one that brought the slightest hint of hope. _Think like her, Ainsley. Think like her._  “Is – Is there nothing we can do? I have no options? Nothing?”

“This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but there’s nothing that can fix ruined nerves. Prosthetics is one option,” Javek’s voice failed to provide the confidence she needed to keep herself together. Prosthetics? That’s her _only_ option? “We don’t have access to them right now, but I know that we can find a way. Maybe Kesh can help?”

“Kesh won’t be able to tap into that resource right now, Si’Lo.” It shattered her last bit of hope, Sloane’s words. “The Nexus is locked under emergency protocols – She’s barely keeping herself together as is, let alone struggling to give us enough oxygen so we don’t start losing our minds. Not to mention that only the most crucial sectors will be activated, so that way we don’t lose power by threading it to unnecessary ones.”

“Wait, wait – What, exactly, is the issue with my legs? Aside from the nerves?” Ainsley furrowed her brows, the slightest hint of concentration washing over her, before she continued. It was subtle, the slight rustle of fabric at the base of the bed, but she felt it. Anything was better than nothing. “I can slightly wiggle my toes. If it’s just a matter of healing, then I –”

“Your nerves are _fried_ , Ryder.” It held a strange sense of finality, the way she had said it. “The skin has been healed, probably to the best of its ability, but what pierced your pod is a nasty bitch. It severed any and all nerves, and with it your feeling, from the knees down.”

Her voice broke. “I –“

“Peroneal nerve paralysis.” The words effortlessly slid off of her tongue, resounding against the ginger’s brain and breaking through the tears she had tried so vainly to hold back. It sounded as if Sloane had memorized it, the slightest hint of disbelief pulling in the back of her tone. Maybe she was shocked, too. “Zenker’s. Caused by blunt force trauma, in your case.”

“I’m,” her lips pressed together, steadying herself against the grief-struck tremble of her voice. She fervently shook her head as her weak wrist furiously wiped away her tears, unable to let herself fall apart. Not now. _Not ever._ Each word cracked, weak, but she powered through, the softest bit of stubbornness peeking through her façade before it overtook her. “I’m not going to let this stop me from helping. I’m – I’m not letting this stop me from fixing this mess!”

“I’m a Ryder. We don’t give up when – When things get bad.” The thought of her father came to mind, passed out at his desk from hours upon hours spent working out algorithms, and then her mother, weak and frail in her hospital bed but with an unwavering smile, and it hurt. Everything hurt.

It took her a moment to get her bearings. Javek tried to stop her when she grasped the hem of the blanket loosely lain over her, but she hit his hand away, a determination set in the furrow of her light brows. She took in a quick, shaky breath, pressing against the bed in an attempt to stiffly throw her legs over the side of it. “I’m a –“

“I’m relieved to see another familiar face awake,” a steady drawl from across the room made her hesitate, stopping her right in her tracks. The voice registered before she looked over, earning a smile. “Glad to see my favorite Assistant is still alive – Started to get worried. You know what my old man always said about humans being squishy and vulnerable.”

“Kesh,” a grin only the krogan herself could earn graced her face. It evaporated any trance of her frantic thoughts moments before, taking with it the minute panic that clung to her bones like a frigid chill. Relief - A much-needed distraction. She sniffled, pulling herself together. “Are you kidding me? I’m glad _you’re_ still alive. The Nexus trying to function without your cool head would be disastrous!”

Kesh huffed. “You’d take my spot for me in the event of that happening, you know.”

“What?!” Her hand numbly hit the spot over her heart with a muted _thud_. The slightest hint of a smile pulled at her lips, edging further with each word. “Oh, how bloody terrifying. I don’t even want to imagine how that would play out – I know my father started this thing, but I’m not so sure I could continue it for him, you know?”

Javek cringed. “The actual, literal thought of that is terrifying.”

“Wait, excuse me? You don’t even believe in me?” Ainsley looked over her shoulder. She was aghast, shocked – The way her eyes widened only amplified that. “I’m your best friend! You should support me no matter what!”

“You didn’t _want_ it, Ains.”

“Yeah, but I still want _your_ support for this _hypothetical_ event.”

Sloane sighed. “We’re not kids – Let’s not argue like them.”

“Si’Lo,” Kesh nodded towards him, effectively silencing the two of them and catching the salarian’s attention. “How’s taking over for Parker going so far? I finalized the transfer just before I came in here. You should be receiving his info-packet in a few minutes.”

Ainsley gasped. She's really much so much already, hasn't she? Her voice fell gentle, soft, as she met his gaze, and he flushed. “Javek, you took over as head?”

“I did. He was..." Beady eyes fell to his lap. "Killed on impact.”

“Oh.” She took in a soft breath. It felt difficult, really, for her to hear that. A position he’s wanted for so long, countless days spent aching over his desk while his nimble fingers worked, one effortlessly sketching formulas on a notepad while the other surveyed the decaying leaves of an exotic plant. He’s worked so hard for it. It’s a shame he received it by means of inheritance, rather than achievement. “I can’t believe it. Are you serious? Wow.”

“I know, right? Remember how just yesterday – well, actually, literally yesterday at this point – We were both dreaming about what was going to happen to us in Andromeda.” She could feel it, the memory played out in his vivid eyes. His hands reached for hers again, gentle, and she took them. Their fingers laced, and the sadness in his voice was enough to send her spiraling back into her thoughts, her feelings. “Though, I didn’t want for this to happen to you.”

“I… I’ll be okay." Her smile was an empty one. One that tried desperately to convince herself that everything's _okay_. "You know me. I’m stubborn, just like my father. That’s how the Ryders are, Javek. I’ll find a way.”

“You really are a stubborn one, aren’t you?”

“Okay,” her freckled features scrunched up in thought. “Do you mean that as a compliment, or…?”

“If you two have a moment,” the slightest hint of irritation hidden in the krogan’s voice was enough to make them stop. They pulled away from each other, though their fingers never unlaced, and Kesh continued. “We need to assess the situation, get a grasp on our bearings, and take note of what’s left.”

Ainsley nodded. Her mind was swimming, struggling to catch up with what happened while she was asleep. It hasn’t been too long, obviously, given the state of the Nexus, but long enough. “Do we know what happened yet?”

“A band of dark energy collided with the Nexus. Quite a few of our scientists have coined a nickname for it – The Scourge.”

“That’s fitting,” Ainsley said.

Javek scoffed. “Yeah, it is.”

Kesh continued. “It eviscerates anything within its path. If someone were to go through it, it would be an instant death. A few branches of the Nexus were shredded to pieces, while quite a bit of its hull was ripped off. Thanks to the automatic emergency protocols we'd set in place before we left, we didn’t lose too much, but the damage is there. And it's bad.”

“So," Ainsley tried to search for the proper words to encourage her, to build up the hope that was lacking amongst them, but... She couldn't. Her mind kept ebbing back to her legs - She couldn't focus. "What do we do?”

"The only thing we can do." The confidence in her voice was jarring. Kesh sounded so assured, so ready to pick up the slack and press forward despite everything that just happened, despite their home being torn into a mess of metal and debris. “We rebuild.”

That's why Ainsley admired her so much. If Kesh wanted to walk into hell itself, she would follow after her without a second thought. But the next question that popped up was one that haunted her, one that hung in the back of her mind like a nightmare. She swallowed thickly. “What about food? I know about our seed stores, but given the damage...”

Kesh didn’t answer. 

Ainsley paled. The question she was ready to poise hung in the air, one that was afraid to be spoken into existence; It was as if the mere breath of it coming out, making itself known, would jinx them, making her hesitate. “Is… Is starving to death in our future?”

Her silence answered her. It fed into the dread forming a knot at the bottom of her stomach, each notch hit one that made her realize that, perhaps, coming to Andromeda was... A mistake. “It might be. Our seed supply was radiated. Unless Javek can figure out a way to salvage them, or we figure out a new resource on nearby planets, it’s possible that we might. We've already begun rationing what little we have left.”

“I’ll fix it – You can have complete faith in me.” Javek nodded, determination creasing his brows. “I’ll work my ass off.”

She could almost feel the tremble in her body, creeping up in a slow crawl that threatened to consume her, to swallow her alive. Ainsley let out a slow, shaky breath, her grip tightening on the salarian's. One thought crossed her mind, the briefest flash of her family's asleep faces forming in her brain, and a chill raced up her spine.  _Stay positive._ “And has there been any word about the other arks?”

“No.” Ainsley's eyes fell shut. “Our comms system is down for the most part, as is our connections with Sam Node.” As Kesh spoke, her gaze trailed from the ginger’s freckled face to her legs, taking in the slightest peek of bandages sticking out from the hem of the blanket, before her words trailed off. Her brows furrowed. The worry in her eyes overtook her thoughts. “What happened? Is it bad?”

Those questions stiffened the ginger's body, the imperceptible shift in her gaze one that caught the woman’s attention. She couldn’t look her in the eye; The mere remembrance of the news she had received just moments before Kesh’s arrival sank in, numbing her senses and flooding her brain with static.

She couldn’t breathe.

The krogan’s gaze turned to woman stood beside her for the answer, a reluctance hanging in the room the longer the silence built a wall amongst them. “Sloane?”

“Her nerves are fried.” The air fell heavy around them. She let out a soft sigh, shaking her head when her mouth opened with unspoken rebuttals. “There’s nothing we can do right now, Kesh.”

“There has to be something.” Her voice was quiet, shocked. It was laughable, almost, the minute strike of fear that beamed in her dark eyes. This was it, she realized then, that everything’s gone wrong; It wasn’t the Nexus crashing and burning. It wasn’t their leader going missing, their connection to Sam Node being altered, or their arks falling out of contact; It wasn’t any of those – 

No. It was her assistant losing something she’s had the ability to do all of her life, snatched away in the blink of an eye, too young. The desperation in Kesh’s voice threatened to swallow her alive. “If she’s out, then we’ve lost one of the best in Engineering, and I don’t know if we’ll be able to deal with that – If  _I’ll_  be able to deal with that.” 

She always knew how to pierce Ainsley’s heart. Quivering lips pressed together to stifle the gasp that almost escaped her, trying to hold herself together. It hurt, more than she had expected it to. But the actuality of her new reality was starting to sink in, and she couldn’t keep herself afloat much longer –

Javek ran with the opportunity their tense silence presented, excitedly shifting forward in his seat while he sucked in a quick breath of air. It came out as an awkward puff, really, his voice. “Prosthetics.”

Kesh quirked up a brow, looking over at him.

“We –“ He glanced from one woman to the other, his eyes shifting. If looks could kill, the one Sloane shot him would've had him buried six-feet underground. “We can use prosthetics. It’ll be the same as –“

“No. We’ve already been over this,” Sloane shook her head, silencing him. “That branch can’t, it _can’t_ , be activated right now. We need to conserve _as much_ energy as possible – You were there, Kesh.” She sighed. “We’ve only _barely_ managed to secure enough oxygen for those actually awake right now. Adding on to that would be a nightmare that the Nexus isn’t able to –”

"Do it." The krogan took a step away, as if what she was saying was the easiest thing in the entire galaxy, the least of their worries combined. As if they didn’t have lives hanging over their heads, dangling on a thin string held in their collective grip. “We’ll figure out a way to compensate for that.”

“Kesh,” the disbelief in her eyes said it all. Sloane grasped her forearm, keeping her from walking away. She struggled to find the words to argue, stammering over each one that tried to come out first. “Are you kidding me? We can’t _afford_ that and you know it. If we –”

“Bring the medical crew that we'd just awakened in here. Figure out something that can help her walk until we can sort out how to spare the resources for that department – Something is better than nothing, at this point.”

Their contrasting eyes met and locked, fueling the fire that flickered in the lingering edges of the raven's vision. It was then, she realized, that she couldn't argue with that.  _Something is better than nothing_. Sloane numbly nodded, glancing over at the salarian sat beside the ginger, before taking a step back. The slide of her shoulders prompted Javek into action, following after her as the soft click of her heels echoed through the static-filled silence of the medbay.

“We’ll figure this out.” Ainsley met Kesh’s gaze, and the determination in them sent a chill up her spine. “I promise, Ainsley.”

* * *

  
One tug on her leg felt muted, lingering just on the edge of her subconscious, but another felt powerful, striking her nerves in a way that flayed them to life for the briefest of moments, fleeting; She tried to catch that feeling, to hold onto it and clutch it against her chest, desperate to hold onto any semblance of what once was, but it disappeared before her brain could properly process it.

Her heart sank as it evaporated into thin air, the futile attempt to keep it lost.

“Well,” the asari started, her nose buried in datapads that were stocked to the brim with text. She sighed, a pale-purple hand reaching up to scratch an irritated pattern just below the folds of flesh that followed the curve of her white-freckled head. “In all honestly, I believe that a stint would be our best bet for now – Something to support the weak muscles and the nerve inability, just long enough for Engineering to work out the kinks regarding oxygen.” Ainsley opted to disregard the side-long glance she received at the mention of her department. “We might even opt for crutches, for additional support.”

Crutches. It felt like a sick joke. Ainsley didn’t want to voice her question, her gaze locked to the outline of her legs stretched out in front of her beneath the wrinkles of fabric. The steady chime of medical machines beeping, one following right after the other, in sync and reverberating in kind, comforted her. Her fingers knotted anxious bundles against the white-linen blanket, trying to gain the courage to properly ask it. “Do I… Do I need it on both legs?”

“Yes,” the twang of another doctor’s voice, a turian, sent a strange chill racing up her spine in a dizzying rush. Turians had the nicest voices in her opinion, two-toned and lovely – She always loved listening to them talk. But this time, she dreaded it. “I’ve had cases before regarding paralysis in a human from the waist-down, but this one… We don’t know what the Scourge is capable of just yet. The fact that it did this _without_ burning your legs off entirely is… Miraculous.”

“That might’ve been thanks to the medi-gel Sloane and Javek smeared all over them right after they pulled me out." Her gaze shifted from one to the other. "They said that I was bleeding pretty horribly.”

“Miracles and medi-gel aside,” Ji’Lani cleared her throat, setting one of the datapads down on a nearby table. It was promptly replaced by another, her pink eyes scanning the text before she continued. “I would feel better if we ran a few more tests on her, Javalin. Specifically on her spinal cord, focusing on her lower back. Being too careful isn’t a terrible thing, considering the extent of the damage on your legs.”

 _More_ tests? How many more did they mean, exactly? They'd already done five, intently isolated to the most injured areas of her calves.

“I agree,” he added in, the slightest twitch of his mandibles pushing Ainsley to speak up.

“Hold on," she shook her head, her hands lamely hanging in the air as she tried to grasp the right words. "I - Just how long am I going to be in here?”

“For a while.” Ji’Lani’s brows slowly furrowed. She sat the stack of datapads down, heading over to her bed and pausing to flick her omni-tool on. Vivid, rich oranges saturated in a stark contrast against her purple skin, bathing the muted interior of the medbay in a warm wash of color. “We still need to look into those stints for your legs, and those diagnostics that I had mentioned. If your spinal cord is damaged, you're going to have more problems than just your legs.”

“Awhile?” Her eyes widened. “Awhile?!” The vehement shake of her head spurred her fingers to knot into fists against the fabric, sickeningly tight. “But I’m _needed_ in Operations. I can’t stay here!”

"Hey," the twang of his voice made her hesitate. It wasn't scolding - It was gentle, and sweet, something out of place amongst the harsh reality she's been forced to face. Javalin's talon softly met her shoulder, uttering a rush of relief coursing through her spine; It eased her fingers to relax, washing over her like the steady chill of ice as they stretched out over the blanket and fell numb. “They’ll survive without you until you’re well and prepared to burst back into action, Ryder.”

“I –“ It hit her, then, the thought of her family missing from this nightmare. She had to deal with this alone, now; It's not possible for her to be able to fall back on her father for support, or to her brother for encouragement. She's... Alone. All alone. That’s something she’s not used to. Ainsley sighed, her heart feeling heavy, pulverized in her chest by grief unabashed – She ignored the tremor in her words as her gaze fell on her lap. Useless. She felt completely, and utterly, useless. “Please, call me Ainsley.”

“Ainsley,” Ji’Lani reassured, and her shoulders relaxed. “Let’s get started, yes?”

A trembling breath left her as she nodded. “Yeah.”

* * *

  
It took a lot out of her to walk.

One step with the support of the fashioned stints was stiff and labored, tensing up the needed muscles in all of the wrong places, forcing unused ones to spasm as she took another; Imaginary stones tethered to her ankles, pulling them down despite her desperate plea to lift them up, weighing her down and drowning her alive. Over, and over, and over, and over - Her steps faltered into a limp, hands balling into frustrated fists at her side – It was hard, but she’s going to live. She's going to survive.

She’ll live, and that’s all that matters.

The stints helped, honestly, but not as much as she would have wanted. Even then, the doctors had barely cleared her to leave - It took quite a bit of teary-eyed begging, only having satisfied them when she agreed to frequently check in with them and rest. It took all of her energy to make her way out of the malfunctioning tram, nearly exhausting and depleting her body completely when following the line of muted destruction that, eventually, led into the vast expanse of Operations.

This sector was… Scarce. Terrifyingly scarce, considering the amount of personnel they honed for this very department. Potted plants were broken in half, jarred and bared with dirt kicked up and roots upheaved; Bits of flooring were ripped out in strange formations, revealing the under-belly skeleton of the Nexus’ wiring below. Its skeleton, laid bare. She had to watch her step, or else she’d trip and fall right into the never-ending darkness below.

If she’d stopped to think about it for too long, the disarray of the ship she'd help built, panic would swell in the back of her throat, creeping up her head and etching itself like an undulated song into her brain at the mere thought of –

No. _Don’t even think about it, Ainsley._

She let out a soft breath.

It eerily calmed her. How did Kesh deal with this? She'll never know.

 _Check in with Kesh._  Her thoughts steadied her. _Check in with Kesh, Sloane, and Addison, and then you can assess the damage to Engineering. Which means: You can definitely, probably, sit down and take a breath. Nobody will know that you’re feeling shitty._ A pause.  _Don't let anyone know that you're feeling shitty._

“Right.” An incredulous look crossed her freckled features at the mere fact that she was talking to herself – Not that it was so strange, given the endless string of thoughts constantly running through her brain at a break-neck pace, but still. She wasn't standing in her bedroom, lost in a painting; She was standing in the very beginning of Operations. It faltered, the look, before she scoffed and shook her head. “New galaxy, new me, I guess.”

Bloodshot, green eyes hesitantly searched the upturned sector as she made her way deeper into the belly of Operations, taking in shattered glass and low-hanging wires the repair crew hadn’t gotten around to cleaning up just yet. Sections were shrouded in darkness, shadows hanging low and breaking through streaks of stark-white light from above. Faint voices trickled in, just on the edge of her hearing, but they made her pause to listen in.

“Now,” the voice that clicked in was firm, yet ever-so-slightly nervous. Just a _hair_. It was also nasally, focused on his sinuses and aiding with a slight squeak just at the tip of his words. “We only have one mission when we’re out there, okay? We find _any_ resource that we can, grab whatever it is, and get out. We’re not dallying, and we’re definitely not staying around long enough to pick fights with anyone or any _thing_ deciding that we are.”

They didn’t belong to the repair crew.

It came from near the tram station. That would be backtracking from her spot just before the staircases that led to Kesh's office and Addison's circle, in her case, given that her legs might not be able to handle it after her dreadful trip half-way up the stairs, but…

Well, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

A white-knuckled grip nestled itself against the metal railing, supporting her as she swung her weight around. It was difficult for her to recall when they’d seemingly bunched themselves up by where she had just been without her noticing, but that didn’t matter. Perhaps she had been too lost in talking with herself to notice. She mentally kicked herself.

Each labored step brought her closer to the voice, and closer to the source.

It was small, the group that came into her sight; Flight navigators lined with flight lieutenants, just barely enough to supply a few people to a few ships. Browns against navy-blues, punctuated by silvers and blacks; Their badges emblazoned against their chests nearly twinkled under the stark-white flickering of the lights over-head, sputtering while they fought against malfunctioning wires hidden inside of them.

Ainsley searched the crowd, trailing over an asari, before the man that stood alongside her looked over. Her throat swelled up at the familiar sight of honey-loved eyes, and a chill chased dizzying pirouettes up her spine, locking her in her spot with a silent gasp as their gazes met and locked –

> _It was jarring, really, how incredibly out of place she looked amongst the commoners in Afterlife. And it didn’t take long before she shuffled her way out of the pulsating night club, overwhelmed by the sights and sounds that intermingled with smells, stale alcohol perfuming sweat-soaked air –_
> 
> _She could feel the tell-tale prickle of a migraine hidden just behind her eyes, lying in wait for the perfect opportunity to strike. Removing herself from the boom of the club’s bass and the dizzying sensations of lights spiking each colorful corner of the club would help, no doubt._
> 
> _Stepping outside, the air of Omega was crisp in a way that she was unfamiliar with. It was almost infringed upon by the bite of humidity, despite a chill rushing through her body and instilling itself upon clothes that uselessly clung to her freckled limbs. The wind was frigid, each swirl one that knocked her further into her mind._
> 
> _People-watching was easy for her to do. It was a habit she adopted early on in life, wide-eyed curiosity giving her a break from the day-to-day talking that was expected; Ainsley was terrible at properly communicating and following conversations, commonly missing social cues and body language hints that seemed to fly over her head no matter what she tried or how hard she focused, so any escape that would keep her from that, she took._
> 
> _The nightlife of this planet was… Jarring. Strange, almost, shifty side-eyes biting at the back of her mind as she shuffled from one spot to the other just beyond the club’s pulsating and pounding walls. They ranged from beady to multiple, the difference of colors almost discombobulating. Everyone seemed to be watching her, a gaze seemingly locked on her no matter where she turned._
> 
> _It scared her._
> 
> _Anxiety bubbled at the back of her throat, pulling her in and holding her hostage as she scanned the crowd beyond the bouncer that wasn’t allowing any more people inside. Filled to capacity, she'd heard him mutter as she passed by. They almost looked irritated at her, that the mere fact of her not wanting to be inside was a spit in their faces, a personal jab directed right at their throats._
> 
> _“You okay?”_
> 
> _The voice that started up beside her made her skin crawl despite a soft warmth in its tone, a gentleness hidden in it that she hadn’t expected to find on a place such as this. One glance over melted away her fear as if it had been nothing, revealing a man leaning against one of the metal-laced pillars beside her, his jet-black hair messily tufted into a coif that framed his tawny-beige complexion, while a leather jacket tightly curled around his broad shoulders from an idle stretch._
> 
> _He was a lovely sight for sore eyes._
> 
> _“I’m – I’m okay,” she was hesitant to speak. Her voice was almost muted beneath the spike of music that pulsated through her legs every few seconds, a haughty beat drumming up and sparking through her body in a dizzying array. A tense in her shoulders gave way to her discomfort. “I’m not feeling the best right now, but I’ll live.”_
> 
> _“Living is definitely better than the alternative,” he grinned, eyeing her for a moment. What was with people eyeing her up? It drove her insane. Another glance over revealed a stark-white hologram playing on repeat behind him, silhouetting his dark features in a way that took her breath away. He was, without a doubt, handsome. “You’ve probably heard this before, so this won’t be of any news to you, but you look just a **little** out of place here.”_
> 
> _“Yeah, I know.” Ainsley cleared her throat, looking down at his boots. When she looked back up, he almost looked worried; It was the strangest sight in whiskey-warmed eyes, but it made her relax. Maybe not everyone on Omega had a hidden agenda. “I’m here on a business trip – My boss is inside with a client. I have this thing with migraines and I could feel one coming, so I tried to give myself some space from anything that could trigger it.”_
> 
> _“Did it work?”_
> 
> _“Not really.”_
> 
> _His smile lit up his rich features, lovely and alluring, but one that fascinated her beyond belief. The offer of his hand took her by surprise. “Reyes Vidal.”_
> 
> _She took his hand, giving it a slight shake. His fingers were calloused, a strange texture compared to hers, but she admired it. He was a hard-worker, from what she could tell, and the kind glint in his eyes spoke lovingly of his character. “Ainsley Ryder.”_
> 
> _“Listen, I can’t stay too long, given that I, myself, had stopped here for a little bit of work, but…” The flick of his wrist activated his omni-tool, washing a bath of vibrant orange against the brilliant contrast of pinks and reds that danced in never-ending circles against his tawny-beige skin. A ping activating hers, effortlessly syncing their contacts, punctuated his words. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to contact me.”_
> 
> _“Really?” A ginger brow quirked up. “We’ve only just met.”_
> 
> _His laugh was like honey; It was rich and smooth, near-velvety, almost, one that lit up his sharp features in a way that took her breath away in one instantaneous hit. She wanted to lose herself in it. “I’ve got a good feeling about you.”_

“Reyes?” His name was a soft whisper that spilled from her lips, pulling her back into reality. 

The look in his whiskey-warmed eyes told her that he felt the same sting of jarring shock in his chest, too, as their gazes met and locked. Pulsating and burning, but there; Overwhelming and terrifying, but there; Too much yet not enough, hinting at everything that was left unspoken like numbed words that couldn’t form in a bubble-filled throat. “Ainsley?”

It took everything in her not to burst out into a dead-sprint towards him.

Not that she could, anyway.

“Ainsley,” a familiar voice behind her ripped her gaze away from the man, catching her off guard and stopping her before her body could break into action without a second thought. Kesh. Rough-scaled hands met her shoulders and gently pulled her away, her mind swirling with thoughts that couldn’t form. “We need you upstairs – The meeting is about to start.”

“But,” her head shook, trying to turn against her touch. She _needed_ to see him. She _needed_ to touch him, to feel him, to know that he’s alive and real, tangible and _here_ with her, that he’s _okay_ and that she’s not alone in this _hell_. Her brain numbly reminded her that she has Javek, but it’s not the same – It’ll never be the same. He wasn’t Reyes. “I – I –“

“We need to go.” The flicker of the krogan's eyes ahead made her realize that she knew what she was doing. Another pull threw him further away from her, a longing glance over her shoulder revealing him too shocked to move, and her will to fight diminished, extinguished by the pinch of her fingers as he grew further away. Her heart dropped, a quiver in her lip submerged by the press of them. “Come on.”

* * *

  
“We’re losing time, Kesh.”

“I understand that, Tann.” It was hard to miss the poison that bit at the back of her voice, hidden. The tension between them had only grown within the short span Ainsley had spent with them. It was bad. “We’re doing everything in our power to buy us some more. Teams have been sent out, scavenging the nearby planets for any resources they can find, and Si’Lo is working on our seed bank as we speak.”

“It’s not working,” Addison’s voice came in, hesitant; Fear, intertwined with panic, was hinted in her tone. It was only barely there, hanging on the tip of her tongue, but there, and that was enough to make Ainsley's skin crawl. She sounded terrified. “We have too many people out of stasis, too many people taking up precious oxygen that we’re _losing_ by the second, and no goddamn food to feed any of them! Our oxygen supply has only been at ten percent since we’ve gotten life support back up and running, and it’s not _enough_.”

Ainsley’s stomach sank further with each word spoken, the quiet tap of her nails against her omni-tool one that barely tethered her to reality. It felt unreal – Everything. Everything that was going on didn’t seem like it was actuality, the soft haze of her post-stasis hangover lingering on the edge of her subconscious.

Is this a dream?

_I hope it is._

The lingering staccato of their voices slowly faded as she idly chewed on her bottom lip, lost in a thought that crossed her mind. It gave way to more that flowed in, shuddering through her senses like a lost dream -

> _The shudder of his voice through his mask was haughty, breathless. “Stay here,” it still took her off-guard, how strange he sounded between gasps, despite their grand adventures together over the past year. “I’ll meet up with our potential investor inside – You won’t be of any help with that migraine of yours.”_
> 
> _“Right,” Ainsley nodded her head, letting out a soft sigh. Even that made the pinch in her brain worse, subtly hiking her shoulder up at the familiar twinge in the back of her mind. Take a breath in, then out. Relax. “I think I’ll head into the markets and see what’s happening.”_
> 
> _“Let me,” Barla Von took in a deep breath, another stutter circulating the air through his filter, “know if you find anything.”_
> 
> _She offered the volus a curt smile as the steady hiss of hydraulics whirled around them, releasing a rush of bass-boosted music and pulsating beats that echoed around them in a dizzying wave. The click of his booted footsteps against metal-tiled floors danced beneath the sound as he took off through the parted doors._
> 
> _“I’m sure I can find something to do,” it was a muttered aside to herself, one that steadied her frayed nerves as she turned on her heel. Omega was terrifying, honestly; It was a place that was formed by nightmares, fringed upon by criminals and warlords that littered their gangs wherever they could stake a claim._
> 
> _Voices overlapped in a confusing array as she neared the crowded platforms ahead, beige upon bronze a muted amalgamation that was a near-nauseating mix. It reminded her of the slums from the Citadel. Threaded beats boomed through the slotted-metal flooring and up into her numb legs, lights flickering and pulsating from nearby bars plaguing the stale air that became increasingly difficult to breathe in –_
> 
> _She hated it here._
> 
> _But, she needed to be here. If she wanted the support she needed for this, for something that’s been plaguing her restless sleep with hope-filled dreams for **years** , she had to deal with it._
> 
> _And she will._
> 
> _Hesitant eyes glazed over the crowd, taking in sweat-slicked bodies and beady glances spared in her direction. A few people leered at her, a snaggly grin on their alien features, while a few stared out of pure attraction, a barely sated curiosity following each dwindling step she took._
> 
> _Her skin crawled._
> 
> _“Focus, Ainsley.” She could barely hear her own voice over the cacophony of sounds abound, but she pressed on._
> 
> _An idea hit her, then, one that seemed out of place amongst ammunition and guns abound, but it was her own. And it sure as hell seemed a lot better than everything else out there, right now. She hesitantly reached for the pack lazily slung over her shoulder, tightening her grip on the straps as she pulled it around._
> 
> _It took her a moment of fumbling to unzip the top compartment, but she managed. She pulled out her tattered and worn sketchbook, glancing around the marketplace for a place to sit –_
> 
> _“Hey, you!” A craggly voice, weathered and old, caught her attention. An older woman, a human with coiled, grey hair wrapped messily into a bun that framed wrinkled, umber skin, motioned for her to come over to her spot just beneath a credenza beside a bar. It was shrouded in a vibrant light-show that sputtered out in different shapes and forms, distracting her as her steps brought her closer. “Are you alright? You look out of place.”_
> 
> _“A little bit,” Ainsley softly chuckled, biting her bottom lip as her voice faded off. It was difficult to hear over the booming music, the bass overwhelming her easily short-circuited senses. She let out a soft breath. “Do you mind if I set up shop here?”_
> 
> _The woman considered it for a moment. Bright, green eyes were framed by thick, dark brows, seemingly untainted by age. They were brilliant, full of life and love, bestowing a strange sense of warmth and comfort to her - She nodded with a smile, whatever affirmation her mind had given her making her gesture her closer. “I’m Anaiah.”_
> 
> _“Ainsley,” she held out her hand, but Anaiah didn’t accept it. Instead, she swiftly motioned to her beaten barstool she'd been sitting on, stepping out of the way to allow her access._
> 
> _“Do you need a table?” Wrinkled eyes narrowed in thought, searching her tall form for assurance to her reply. “If I’m guessing right, you’re going to be drawing folks, huh?”_
> 
> _“Yes, I am.” Ainsley took in a quick breath. “But, I won’t need a table. My lap is as good as one.”_
> 
> _“If you say so,” Anaiah watched as she nestled herself on the stool, taking a moment to readjust the black-lined denim jeans that rested high on her soft waist. “How long have you been drawing, Ainsley?”_
> 
> _It took her a moment to collect her thoughts on that. Her features scrunched up in thought, crinkling her nose in a way that was entirely too cute. “About eighteen years, give or take a few.”_
> 
> _“Oh, wow. You’ve been busy, huh?”_
> 
> _“I have been.”_
> 
> _“How old are you?”_
> 
> _“I just turned twenty last month.”_
> 
> _“Wow. You going to school for art?”_
> 
> _“I am – I’ve been going to one back on Earth, in London.” A glance up nearly revealed the idea that sparked in her mind. The flip of her sketchbook opening punctuated the start of her words, mildly hoping the twinkle in her eyes hadn't given away her surprise. “Only for the past two years, though.”_
> 
> _Anaiah hummed, watching her._
> 
> _The lack of her voice only heightened the melting noises around her body, glasses clinking and vendors arguing with customers trying to scam them. Gunshots lingered in the far distance, followed by laughter that only unnerved her further, before Ainsley ran with the opportunity her silence presented. “How long have you been here, on Omega?”_
> 
> _“All my life, dear.”_
> 
> _“What’ve you done here?" The scratch of her pencil against the paper kept her together. "Any work?”_
> 
> _Wrinkled hands wrung themselves in front of her stomach, playing with the folds of her flowing, loose cardigan. “Been an on-and-off merchant for one of the gangs here, Blue Suns. Sometimes the Eclipse, but they’ve scurried off lately. Mostly, I’ve been people watching, now that I’m old and grey and don’t really need a job to support myself.”_
> 
> _Gun merchant didn’t seem to fit her profile. “Were you watching me?”_
> 
> _“Of course I was. **Everybody** was – You were like the soft, gentle glimpse of the long-desired sun peeking through in slots of orange amongst violent clouds, framing the stormy sea in a lilted haze as soon as you walked up. The calm before the storm, as it’s usually said.” Her chuckle was haughty and breathy, but endearing. “Without the flourish.”_
> 
> _“That’s -“ It was jarring for her, the amount of kindness this woman was showing her, in Omega of all places. A rich flush danced across her freckle-dusted cheeks, making her stumble over her words. “I’m – That – That’s so incredibly sweet of you to say, I –”_
> 
> _“No need for thanks,” Anaiah interrupted her with a smile. “I know your talented hand is drawing me – I saw the glimmer in your eye as soon as you opened your sketchbook.”_
> 
> _"Guess I'll never be good at poker, huh?" Ainsley bit back the hint of a grin as she carefully ripped out the etched-out sketch. She took a moment to appreciate the curve of each line, flowing elegantly and stretching out into the vast image of Anaiah’s likeness amongst cross-hatching and careful shading. “I hope you like it.”_
> 
> _She took the drawing, and gasped. Her finger idly traced a lingering, awe-filled trail over the center, lost in it. “Oh, I love it –“_
> 
> _“Fancy meeting you here,” the rich drawl of a warm, inviting voice behind the ginger’s shoulder caught her attention. A surprised glance behind revealed something that made her heart skip an unsteady beat, but one that lit up her features in a way that only he could –_
> 
> _“Reyes!”_
> 
> _The sparkle in Ainsley’s eyes was hard to miss. Anaiah took the hint, the form of a knowing grin dancing across her lovingly-aged face. “Suppose I’ll be taking my leave now, huh?”_
> 
> _“Thank you, Anaiah!” It was a hurried call out, but one that the woman caught._
> 
> _“No, thank **you**!”_
> 
> _Reyes’ hand lingered just behind her shoulder, hovering in the air as if he wanted to touch her, before he rounded the stool to stand in front of her. “Looks like fate keeps bringing us together, huh? We're obviously meant to be."_
> 
> _“Obviously,” her giggle was one that made him light up like none other. They hadn't been talking long, but it felt as if they'd been friends forever, long-lost. She couldn't picture living and going on without him in her life. “What have you been up to? How's your mother?”_
> 
> _“She's fine. Well, as fine as she can be, but it's all good. As for me, the usual – Trying to stay alive on a place like this.” He glanced around for a moment, searching for another seat, before dragging one over with a loud, shuddering screech from an outside table by the near-by bar. “I’d ask you what you’ve been up to, but it’s been pretty obvious.”_
> 
> _“I figured," she shrugged, "since I can’t really join in on the negotiations with my boss because being directly in the music amplifies my migraines, I could get some practice done while waiting.”_
> 
> _Whiskey eyes searched hers, and she found it difficult for her to form proper sentences. The start of a grin curled his full lips, and she tried not to focus on them. “I can get behind that. Though, I hope you haven’t been doing these for free?”_
> 
> _“I – Well, I’ve only done one so far, but that was the general plan.”_
> 
> _“Oh, no. That simply won’t work for me,” a lean forward allowed him access to the back pocket of his cargo pants. Her brow quirked up as his hand fished around for a moment, before procuring a slim wallet. He sat back with a smug grin, the one that usually renders her speechless. “Art as lovely as yours, it deserves a price.”_
> 
> _“No!” Ainsley stuttered over her words, unable to properly convey the sudden anxiety biting at the back of her throat. She furiously shook her head, quickly tucking her ginger hair behind her freckled ears. “No, no, no – That’s not necessary, Reyes! Really! I’m – My family isn’t poor, you know? And I make a living off of –“_
> 
> _“How does five-hundred sound?”_
> 
> _Her heart nearly stopped beating. Time seemed to still around them as she met his gaze, and she was lost in the confidence that swallowed the rich, whiskey hue in his eyes. His confidence in **her**. His confidence in what she’s doing. It felt unreal. “What?”_
> 
> _“Five-hundred credits." His reaffirmation sent a chill cascading in a rush of goosebumps across her skin. "How does that sound?”_
> 
> _"Five -" Those words brought tears to her eyes. “You – You don’t –“_
> 
> _“I know I don’t **need**  to, but I want to.” He reached out, grasping her hand once her pencil numbly clattered to the parchment-lined brim of the sketchbook resting on her lap, leaving a scraggly trail of lead in its wake. His other hand followed, placing the credit chit in the center of hers, before folding her hand shut and giving it a reaffirming squeeze with the both of his. “Consider it your first investment from me.”_

“Ainsley Ryder,” a break in her thoughts brought her crashing back down into reality, pulling her through a rush of ice-cold water and reawakening her senses in a way that made her stomach turn. Confused eyes glanced up to meet beady ones. Tann. “Have you been paying attention to this meeting at all? You’ve been sitting there with your eyes glazed over for the past fifteen minutes.”

“I – Oh, my God.” Her expression faltered, falling as she glanced down at the near-blanket datapad resting on her lap. It should've been filled with notes by now. She let out an exasperated sigh as her hand met her thigh, sheepishly glancing up at the three staring at her. “I’m so, _so_ sorry, I’ve been so tired, and I –“

“I’m not here for _excuses_ , Ryder.” The look in his eyes was cold, and it made her throat fall dry. “You either give us and the Initiative your all, or you can head for the door.”

An unsettled grunt came from the krogan beside him. The look on her face gave way to pure displeasure, anger hinted just beyond her gaze. If it had been directed at Ainsley, she would’ve died on the spot – It was one that nobody had wanted to be on the receiving end of, and the fact that the salarian was unbothered by it posed a strange risk. “Tann –“

“Your _opinion_ isn’t required on this matter, Kesh.”

“Superintendent,” she sharply corrected with a bite of venom. “And considering that she _is_ my assistant, it actually –“

“Kesh,” he reaffirmed his stance on her position towards her, cutting her protest off. Three-fingered hands folded idly behind his back, a stark contrast to the anger pulling in his irritating voice. “As acting leader due to Garson being MIA _and_ given the fact that _I_ was chosen and not _you_ , I stand by my decision.”

By the look of exasperation abundant on Addison’s face, it seemed like Ainsley hadn’t missed out on too much. They've probably been solidly arguing back and forth for the past few minutes, really. But the fact that Tann had the audacity to pull this stunt on one of the only people that has given up the most, and has given the Initiative _the most_ , is jarring.

“You can’t speak to her like that,” Ainsley started. It wasn’t her place, but she didn’t care. Fuck insubordination. “And you certainly can’t speak to _me_ like that, as if I’ve not given my bloody all for this goddamn organization – As if _we_ haven’t sacrificed a hell of a lot of things for the Initiative! If we’re going to be stranded here, together, let alone as some of the _only_ remaining leadership to survive, then we need to get the hell along.”

“Agreed,” Sloane added in, taking a step forward. "We're gonna get nowhere fast by acting like a bunch of goddamn toddlers."

“What if we die tomorrow because we can’t bring ourselves to get along and work together to solve this?" The shake of Ainsley's head only quickened her words. "Do you even remember what Jien Garson said during her speech, the one that played over and over through the loudspeakers as the doors to our pods shut just before take-off? Leave behind the old grudges, and let them burn. They’re not welcome in Andromeda.”

A punctuation of silence pierced the air, heavy; It was tangible, nearly weighing each of them down as Tann turned away from them. His shoulders tensed as he took a step forward, a slender hand reaching out to idly run thin fingers over the length of what would’ve been Garson’s desk. It was his now. He barely glanced over his shoulder to speak, but the impact of his words was there. “You can leave now, Ryder.”

“What?”

“You will not be needed for future meetings.”

“Tann,” Kesh started, shaking her head. “You can’t –“

“Leave!” A bang of his fist on the table shuddered through the room, and she fell silent. The air in the room fell tense, sparking a muted indecision amongst them - It was palpable, his irritation. He composed himself with a quick breath, clearing his throat to fully settle himself down. “Under acting authority, you are officially excused. Indefinitely.”

It hit her harder than she had anticipated.

Ainsley had no words, and neither did they. It was tangible, the reluctance to speak up on her behalf, and it made her _furious._ A sharp breath of air sucked in steadied her as she slowly stood, clutching the near-empty datapad to her chest while her other hand tight-knuckled the chair for support. She couldn't meet their gazes, afraid that even the slightest glance would break her resolve and dissolve her into a mess of tears.

Her jaw tensed as her steps started, stiff and tense at first, but they slowly grow easier as she followed the curve of the circular, technology-laced table sat in the center of the room, before a sudden impulse grasped ahold of her. It bubbled, growing more and more intense, and she was unable to stop it -

She threw the empty datapad at Garson's desk as hard as she could manage, only barely missing Tann. It was brief, the flutter of sparks as it burst into a colorful show, but she caught the hint of it while she disappeared down the steps, allowing herself to unravel under the disguise of the door's hydraulics hissing.

* * *

  
“These bloody morons,” if there was any better time for her accent to come in heavy, it was while she was angry. Fuming, more like it, each hurried word muttered under her breath spewing faster and faster as her steps blindly led her away from Tann’s sector. They were sullied by tears, heavy. “ _That_ bloody idiot!”

“I don’t understand people, and I sure as hell don’t understand people who refuse to suck it up and get along with those they hate during times of crisis. Let alone on a grudge that's thousands of years old!" The people she passed by paid barely any attention to her inane ramblings, hands balling into frustrated fists at her sides as a sharp pang of pain shot up her legs on a harsh step. Her jaw clenched. "Like, what?”

“And then to sit there, acting like _I’m_ the issue because I nodded off for _one bloody minute_ because my body is freaking out! Everything has been a constant go since the moment Sloane yanked me out of my pod, and I've barely had any time to catch up! I – I –”

Her train of thought was brutally torn apart in mere moments by the slam of her body against another’s. It shocked her, rippling through her array of thoughts and shaking her head; She stumbled back, falling squarely on her ass against the metal steps leading down to the lower-half of Operations, while the other tumbled against the metal railing that lined it.

“Oh, my God. I’m, I’m so –” Ainsley glanced up, an apology hanging on her lips, before it was swallowed down by a gasp. The familiar flicker of honey-loved eyes staring down at her made her body tense, slowly taking in the sight of dark hair framing tawny-beige skin and the familiar half-cocked smirk that always seemed to linger on his face, before it relaxed in a burst that she just couldn’t explain. Her voice came out in a whisper. “Reyes?”

“Ainsley?” Disbelief flickered in his eyes. A slow, dwindling sigh left him as he stared down at her, unsure if he was seeing correctly. He melted into a grin, nearly losing his composure as he helped her to her feet and right into a soul-crushing hug - It felt as though he couldn’t fathom that she was real, alive, _breathing_ in his touch; His grip tightened, savoring the way she felt in his arms, _real,_ and her body trembled as she grasped his shoulders. “I can’t believe it.”

“The one and only, right?” Sharp tears pricked the edges of her vision despite the joy hanging in her voice. A soft sadness pulled on her words, trembling her lips as she tried to keep herself together; Her grip on her emotions was rapidly dwindling, like sand falling through out-splayed fingers. He always did that to her. He made her feel everything raw, her brain unwilling to filter her emotions around him. “I’ve missed you, Reyes.”

“I’ve missed you more.”

“Uh, impossible.”

“Very, very possible – Especially considering that our request to be pod-mates didn’t go through right before we left.” A calloused hand carded through her ginger hair, tucking it behind a freckled ear. The smile on his face made her relax impossibly, only inciting the bite of more tears to well up in her tired eyes. The ache in her chest _screamed_ about how much she's missed him. She surveyed every freckle on his face, tracing endless constellations and saving them to her memory. “I was  _severely_  disappointed to wake up and not see your beautiful face asleep beside me.”

“You say that as if _I_ wasn’t the sorely disappointed one here, given that _I_ was the one who put in the request with my own father who, literally, proceeded to deny it right as soon as I asked.” She snorted, shaking her head. A moment of amicable silence passed, punctuated by her quietly sniffling and his light breathing as they simply stared at each other, before she poked the center of his taut stomach, rolling her eyes. “You know, you’re such a dork.”

“Of course.” A lovely, warm grin curled the edges of his full lips, lighting up his sharp features in a way that took her breath away. It was something he'd done, the slightest twinkle in his eye, that cracked through her composure. The feel of his hand meeting her lower back only made her lips tremble. “And I’ve managed to come to terms with it, all thanks to you.”

“What can I say?” She softly sniffled, ignoring the crack in her voice as he thumbed away a stray tear before it could rush down her freckled cheek. When had she started crying? Her words came out more mumbled than she wanted, breaking half-way through. “I made your life better.”

“That you did - I couldn't imagine where I'd be without you in it.”

“I’m sorry,” a crack in her voice melted her into more tears. They just kept coming – Unstoppable, relentless, pushing further and further until it was all she could feel, all that she could breathe; Blurring her vision and weighing her chest down with an impenetrable force, squeezing and squeezing. “I – I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“ _Mi vida_ …” There was a certain sadness in his rich voice that only pushed her further into her head. His arms wrapped around her, cocooning her and carving her into his touch - He was warmth. He was everything that she's missed and more, the softness in his touch one she wasn’t used to, one that she hadn’t felt in so long; It was dizzying. “You don’t need to apologize for your emotions, you know. You’re only human.”

Her fingers dug into the soft fabric covering his back, desperate for a tether to keep her from being fully submerged by the water that seemed determined to pull her under; He always did that. He always effortlessly kept her floating, holding her up and building her up when all she could do was drown. “I know.” She sniffled, swallowing thickly. “You know that I love you, right?”

“Of course – And you know that I love you more.”

She cleared her throat, trying to pull herself together. Her head rested against his chest, memorizing the rhythm of his heart. “I thought you were with the flight crew?”

“We had just returned – My flight was… Uneventful. I think the only thing we found was a shit ton of exotic plants, but that's about it." The gentle trail of his fingers through her hair calmed her in a way she couldn't explain. "Though, I’m much more interested in what’s been going on with you; I know how much you hate crying, especially within sight of others, so the fact that you’re crying right now worries me to no end.”

“I –“ Her gaze fell to the ground. The thought of Tann made her stomach sink - That was the last thing she wanted to think about. All she wanted to do was get lost with Reyes, to lose herself in silence spent with him. She cleared her throat, willing herself to continue. “Can we go somewhere else to talk about this?”

“Of course." It was tangible, the reluctance he felt to pull away from her. His hands rested on her shoulders, brushing a soft pattern over them as his eyes searched hers. "Let’s go see if the apartments are damaged beyond repair – If I recall correctly, that sector has oxygen going to it, and I happen to have the key for mine already.”

* * *

  
His apartment was…

Well, it looked exactly like the rest of the Nexus – Upheaved and messed-up, covered in fragile pieces of the ship’s flooring and ceiling, chunks of furniture twisted and piled up in various spots while most were torn apart. It was a complete disaster, stuffing scattered and glass shattered over laminated flooring that mimicked oak wood. 

But it was his, and she knew how much he needed that. Something of his own.

He hadn't gotten a chance to decorate it, of course, given that each apartment was randomly assigned based on the varying levels of those who applied, but it was his. She briefly wondered how hers would look; Was it the same as his, stark-white walls combined with pale, wooden flooring, simple stock furniture in a make-shift studio-like room? Or were they all different?

Either way, given enough time and _a lot_ of repairing, she knew he'd make it his own. Maybe she could sneak in her own little touches here and there, when the time came, a little piece of her stuck with him.

Reyes guided her through the uneven walk across the living room, careful not to let her trip over the ragged debris, before helping her sit on the only chair _not_ strewn about. He opted to stand, wary eyes searching the destruction of the room, before she scooted over to the side of the chair and motioned for him to come. The smile he gave her as he sat beside her, smooshed together, was one that warmed her.

"Lay it all on me, Ainsley."

She snorted. "More proof of your being a goof."

"Why hide it?" The grin pulling at the corners of his lips made her laugh. "It's the truth."

“Uh huh. It’s just – A lot has happened.” Her voice didn’t want to work at first, once her laugh quieted down. “I’m – I can’t walk, Reyes. My pod was pierced by the Scourge and it went right through my legs. You can’t see it under my pants, but I have three different kinds of stints on each leg to support the muscles that I can’t feel, and I should, really, be using crutches, but I don’t want to.”

It took a lot out of her to meet his gaze, and when she did, the look in his eyes made her skin crawl. They flickered down to look at her legs, shocked, before meeting hers again with more confusion than she could handle. She didn’t know if she could continue, the sadness mixed with sheer disbelief in his voice enough to sting tears in her eyes. “What? Ainsley...”

“I’m – I’m lucky I can walk at all. That's what I've been told, at least. The doctors told me that it's a miracle my legs weren't, I guess, melted off. And, I don’t know what just happened, but I was in a meeting with –“ She hesitated, her mind focusing on the argument at hand during that time, before shaking her head. It didn't seem like a good idea, her spilling the contents of it to him. No - She didn't know. “I don’t know if I can tell you this, Reyes.”

“Ainsley, you know that you can tell me _anything_." The feel of his hand resting on her thigh made her eyes fall shut. It was comforting, steadying her. "Your secrets are always safe with me – I might have a smart mouth, but I am definitely not about to confess everything my best friend’s ever told me to just anyone. Possibly God himself, if it ever came to that, but otherwise? You have my full disclosure.”

“I know, the good old Vidal promise.” She smiled at the rich chuckle that earned her, before it softly faded. A shaky breath left her as she fiddled with the hem of her jacket, trying to steady herself. It held a strange sense of finality, her saying it, breathing it into the world. “It’s – Tann has decided to revoke my title for the time being.”

“What?!” The sharp contrast of the chuckle fading from his lips to his sudden outburst was jarring. Anger flickered in his eyes, unabashed. He struggled to form what he wanted to say, his mouth opening and closing with words unspoken, before he exploded. “Are you kidding me? After everything that you’ve done for them?!” That settled it, then. He knew what he had to do. Determined, he started to stand, furiously shaking his head. “I’m going to talk to him.”

“No!” She grasped his forearm, pulling him back down to the tight squeeze of the chair. He easily complied with her touch, though the glower in his eyes was enough to melt her. “No, no, no – You don't need to do anything, okay? I can’t afford to piss him off even more right now, Reyes!”

“Ainsley –“

“I said, ‘No’.”

His full lips pressed together in a quiet protest. This was always hard for them - They're both stubborn, and the look he was giving her was enough to rival her own. Jet-black brows slowly furrowed, the squeeze of his eyes giving way to reveal his annoyance. “Ainsley, I can’t let them do this to you. Not after what you’ve gone through. Not after all that you’ve dealt with, to get to the position that you are in _now_. We need to –”

“We can't do _anything_ right now. Time heals all wounds, Reyes.” Her hands met his shoulders, and the stiffness in them evaporated under her light touch. He relaxed with a sigh. “Trust me, I was ready to fight, but then I realized it's... Not worth it. Let it work itself out, okay? I _basically_ threw a datapad at him. I did a lot of damage back there.”

 _“Ainsley,”_ Kesh’s voice blipping in through her omni-tool came in across sharp static that jutted in spurts through the air, making her jump and silencing anything that he could possibly come up with. The connection was struggling, but it was there. An argument was heavy and heated behind her words, Sloane digging into Tann while Addison avidly disagreed. It seems like it’s still just as much of a nightmare as it had been when she left. _“We need you back in Operations.”_

Their gazes met, and Ainsley was hesitant to question it. His hand met hers, lacing their fingers together, and the gratitude she felt was enough to push her forward. “Why? What’s going on?”

Voices overlapped when she tried to talk, one speaking over the other through the static in a way that jumbled her thoughts, heightening her senses; It was difficult for her to pinpoint who was saying what, until Kesh’s voice finally came out, cold and clear, and her heart hung on an unsteady beat. _“Jien Garson has been found dead.”_


	3. roche limit

Those words hit her in a way that she hadn’t anticipated.

_Jien Garson is dead._

They bounced around her peripheral vision, tethered to a string barely visible that pulled from the back of her eyes in a tight-lined grip; They rang cold on the tip of her tongue, lost in a breathless whisper that trembled out from her lips – She’s going to remember those exact words for the rest of her life. They’re going to haunt her dreams, every wake one that left her chilled to the bone, endless.

It was one thing to sit there, waiting to hear the news that Jien was okay, that she had merely ducked away to take care of some underlying business prior to the protocols that followed arrival duties, but… This? _This_?

_Jien Garson is **dead**._

They hadn’t _accounted_ for this.

They weren’t _prepared_ for this.

They’re _leaderless_.

**_Jien Garson is dead._ **

Her father, the human Pathfinder, is missing, while the human ark itself is nowhere to be found. The turian, asari, quarian, and salarian arks were still out of contact, along with the many other arks that had yet to even be discussed, given that they had taken off long after the first wave had to make sure that things were going as planned before jumping in head-first.

Those awake on the Nexus right now? Simultaneously asleep and awake? _They_ are all that remains.  _They_ are the ones left to carry on with what Jien was trying to achieve, to keep her dream alive in her memory. Those with leadership positions have the weight of twenty-thousand sleepers’ lives, give or take, resting upon their shoulders. And she doesn’t know if they can handle something like _this_.

This, wasn’t something they were trained for. This, was not anything that they had ever made scenarios for. Sure, disaster plans. Sure, ship malfunctions. Sure, security breaches. But losing their leader? The one who made the Initiative possible in the first place with her fiery passion and ferocious tenacity? The one who spoke like a flame alight, burning endless and bright, vivid against the stark indecision of dark depression hung in applicants' eyes, replacing grief with hope?

The briefest flicker of fear was the most obvious glint in Ainsley’s eyes, trained ahead in an un-seeing focus on the wall across from them. When had she stood up? That didn’t matter. It felt numb, her body; Everything, every limb and every curve, felt numb in a way that was sickeningly reassuring, if it weren’t for the press of an indiscernible weight crushing her chest, squeezing and squeezing until she could barely breathe, barely think –

A warm hand met her lower back, breaking through the fog that threatened to engulf her mind, to swallow her alive and keep her held in an iron-tight grip, and she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

Reyes.

She’d forgotten he was with her.

“Breathe,” his rich voice took a moment to decipher in her mangled thoughts. The steady press of him against her back brought life back into her limbs, prompting her to take a step forward, before they fell into an effortless sync across the room. She didn’t know where they were going, but that’s okay. She’d take walking over standing there, numb, evaporating into the panic swelling in the nape of her neck. “You need to breathe. Don’t get stuck in your head – The last thing you need is to have another attack, yes?”

Her head slowly nodded. _Right._

Asthma attack, he means. It was preemptively followed by a panic attack, rendering her useless for hours on end, unable to breathe, to speak, or even to form coherent thoughts; It’s taken her awhile to recognize the symptoms, the tell-tale flicker in the back of her throat as if it were swelling shut, threatening to crush her lungs into oblivion, the most obvious. But, he could always see more; He could always tell just when one was about to come, even if she felt absolutely nothing. She had no idea how.

“Sometimes I think that you’re a magician,” it left her before she could really think that sentence through. Her voice wobbled, but the surprised chuckle that earned her made her flush, backtracking. “I mean –“

“Oh, I am.” Ainsley could almost feel the smile in his words, despite not looking at him. She’s always liked that about him – He was easy to like. _Easy to love_ , her mind numbly added. Her eyes widened, the bite of a blush making her suck in a quick breath of air. _Wow, where did that come from?_ _Let’s tuck that boy away for later._ “If everything weren’t so shit right now, I’d pull a quarter out from behind your ear.”

She snorted before she could help it. He always cheered her up, sometimes without even trying. “You can _now_ , Reyes. Just with a credit chit. Get with the modern times, old man.”

"Old?" Reyes rolled his eyes, locking his arm with hers. She hadn’t even realized she’d been wobbling. She tightened their grip, taking in a steadying breath as he spoke. “I'm not old – But, I  _am_ broke, Ains.”

“Aren’t we all? I think you’re just making excuses.” Keep talking. Her brain stuttered at the thought. Keep talking. He picked up on it. Her fingers numbly dug into the firm muscle of his bicep, desperate for a tether to the reality she was briefly hanging on to. She took in a steadying breath, savoring the slight rush of life flooding through her body, and sighed. “You’re a fake magician.”

That earned the biggest grin from him, slowly curling the edges of his full lips. She could feel him watching her, but she kept her eyes trained ahead. She couldn't look at him. Not yet. “Just you wait – I’ll make you eat those words.”

It was subtle, the threat, but she caught it. A green eye narrowed as she finally glanced over at him, and met his gaze. “When?”

Mischief twinkled in his eyes, and she fought against the urge to smile. “Later.”

“Later when?”

“ _Later_ ,” he drawled, keeping her steady as they stepped out of the dimly-lit entrance of his apartment that led into the sprawled-out layout of an endless array of his apartment's block, metal upon metal stacked and entwined in a dizzying array of shapes and forms. Some were damaged, lights sputtering and skipping against frayed wires, while most seemed to be hanging on by a thread. “When most of the Nexus isn’t such a hot mess anymore.”

She stared at him for a moment, the furrow of her ginger brows and the crinkle of her nose in suspicion only making him grin. She loved that sight. It always relaxed her in a way that she just couldn’t explain. “Okay, well... I’m still going to call you a fake.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“You know,” a soft pause in her words gave way to a strange sadness, making her press her lips together. She didn’t want to say it, to breathe it into the world. The thought made her stomach twist, the turn of the spiral past the staircase's entrance to his apartment complex making her head spin as they came face to face with the barely-functioning tram. She sighed, the sound mixing in with the steady hiss of hydraulics. “You can’t go in with me when we get to Operations. I mean, if they know that you overheard that, then –“

“I know.” She didn’t have to say it – The implication was there. That, if Tann had found out about it, she was done. Indefinitely. But there was a strange confidence in his voice, and it fed into her like a thrumming song. He steadied her in more ways than one, helping her take the first step inside. “You’re strong, Ains. You’ll be fine.”

“Says you.” Ainsley didn’t want to throw his words back in his face, but the thought made her skin crawl. “You don’t have anxiety like I do.”

“You’re right, I don’t. That’s why I’m here to support you every step of the way – You can do this. You can do anything that you put your mind to, even if that voice in the back of your head says that you can’t.” The reassuring touch of his fingers carding through her hair made her eyes flutter, chasing a dizzying chill down her spine while the doors swished shut. Her eyes closed with them. “That’s also another reason why I’m here – To call it on its bullshit.”

That earned the brightest smile from her. The slightest glance over her shoulder revealed it, all too vivid against the stark, transient lighting of the tram's lobby. It made him smile. “You’re a really good bullshit-caller.”

“I know – It’s taken years of practice.”

“Omega, right?”

“God,” he groaned. “Yeah.”

* * *

  
The cacophony of muted voices behind him had barely registered, really. More of a flicker, just on the jaded edges of his frayed subconscious, tethered to an invisible anchor that seemed ready to tear free at any moment. They were angry. They were scared. They were everything and nothing, all at once, too many personalities clashing and fighting to be heard over the other.

And as for him? He didn’t know how to feel.

_“Jien Garson is… Dead. She’s dead.”_ He could still hear the stark disbelief in Ca’Lani’s voice from the thought, the memory that was stuck in his brain on repeat one that will haunt him for years to come – _If_ they don’t die from a plethora of possibilities yet to come given the developing situation, his mind blearily reminded himself.

_That’s_ still a possibility.

_Shit._

The fear that started out subtle in the agent’s voice before it erupted into sheer panic, the realization of their leader being gone one that was too hard to swallow, will lurch in his nightmares, waiting to pounce in a never-ending wash. “ _I… We found her body burned to near-ash inside of her apartment. What do we do?”_

Tann hadn’t been able to answer him then. He still wasn’t, though the others that had been standing in the room were ready to pounce at the occasion – One haughty suggestion was followed an angry quip, recessed by another that couldn’t seem to form properly, pitching their useless ideas into the fraying static. They were all speechless in their own ways, but Tann?

He couldn’t even think.

The title that came to mind the moment that those words had left their agent’s lips numbed his body. It swallowed his blood and coated his veins in cement, pinning it still and paling his skin with the two-ton weight of those relying on him, with the thread-bared hope of those asleep on the station – _His_ station.

Director of the Initiative.

_Director_ of the Initiative.

Those words rattled around in his brain, awakening his senses in such a euphoric way that he couldn’t even  _breathe_. He wanted to  _scream_  – No, he wanted to cry, the strongest pull in his emotions one that waged a tempest inside of his war-battered brain, ill-besot.  _What do I do?_

_Director of the Initiative._

It came then. Unannounced, but there, a certainty like nothing he’s ever felt before; The sureness a light that broke through the storm clouds that sullied his thoughts, lighting the fog amongst his brain alight with flames that ate through them like nothing else could ever manage –

Clarity.

_What I need to do to save the Initiative._

Tann hadn’t realized that the voices had sullied down behind him, barely registering the flicker of footsteps on the hinges of his hearing. He glanced over, catching the sight of the too-soon disgraced Ainsley standing before them amongst the blue-ridden stain of the vast window that splayed out Operations’ layout like none other could. “Ryder,” he started, and she paled under his frenzied gaze. “I’m sure that you’ve heard the news.”

The stark-white light from the stuttering reflexes of the ceiling reflected against her face, revealing the trail of long-dried tears that stained her freckled cheeks. Her voice cracked. “I have.”

“Then you know that Jien Garson has been found dead.”

“And we’re all goddamn screwed,” the bite of anger in Sloane’s voice only furthered the grief hanging in the air. It was tangible, the sharp intake of air from the ginger as she continued, the vivid, angry gesture of her hands stealing their breaths away. “Without her, the mind and the brains behind this whole fucking ordeal, we’re going to lose a _lot_ of hope, not to mention a shit ton of willpower from those awake right, fucking, _now_. Word of this spreads, we lose what little we had left.”

“We can still fix this, Sloane.” Kesh – She always tried to be the mediator, even if she didn't truly believe what she was saying. That won’t work, not now. Not when everything is going to hell right before their very eyes. “Not all is lost – The other arks aren’t missing, they just haven’t arrived yet. For all we know, they might’ve already reached their golden worlds and _we_ are the ones stuck in purgatory. We just don’t know if they’re really gone –“

“Don’t hit me with that fake positivity bullshit.” Heterochromatic eyes widened as they met the krogan’s deep-set eyes, the strangest mix of anger and fear intertwining in a way that was near-sickening. “They’re gonna meet the exact goddamn fate we met, Kesh! Their arks aren’t decked out with the same emergency protocols and security system that the Nexus has! They aren’t designed to hold _actual life,_ just bodies in cryogenic pods until they reached _us_. They aren’t designed to protect against _this_ kind of danger. They’re going to be ripped to fucking shreds right as soon as they touch it!”

Addison looked nauseous. Her stomach twisted uneasily, fueling the knotting of her fingers against the fabric of her white tunic. She sucked in a breath, squeezing her eyes shut to will the words out from her throat, tightly lodged against the swallow of her breath. She couldn't believe she was saying it. “We still have _one_ Ryder. It’s not Alec, but it’s bloody better than none.”

That felt like a punch right to Ainsley’s chest, knocking the wind right out of her.

“Wait, me?” Ginger brows sharply furrowed, punctuated by the fervent shake of her head. She couldn’t breathe. She spoke too fast, too urgent, overlapping and rushing out in a crashing wave. “You’re not talking about me, right? You guys _do_ know that I’m _nothing_ like my father – I have a Bachelor’s degree in art. He had a gold-medal military background with years of service and aptitude, along with plenty of trophies and achievements to show for it. _Major_ difference.”

“So long as we still have the name behind the man who rallied everyone up with Jien Garson, they’re bound to still hold out hope. We just need you as the tether for it.” Addison held up her hand as soon as Ainsley opened her mouth, silencing her protests. “As much as I’m in disagreement with _myself_ , this might be the only thing that keeps them going.”

It’s taken all of Tann’s willpower to bite his tongue, to hold back his sting as they spoke. They can’t just act without _his_ approval. The lull in conversation prompted him to speak up. “As official acting Director of the Initiative, I –“

“Shut your goddamn mouth,” the punch in Sloane’s words made him choke out on a sputter. A press of her palm against her forehead gave way to irritation, but she stared at Addison with the quirk of an eyebrow. Disbelief. “I can’t bloody believe it, but she’s actually got a point. I’m willing to hear out whatever this mess is. _For now_.”

“I don’t approve of this,” Tann shook his head, taking a step forward with such an ease of confidence. His hands idly folded at his stomach. “I understand what you're trying to say, but I stand by my decision to withhold her title – I don’t feel as though she’s willing to give the Initiative her all right now. I don't believe she's _able_ to give the Initiative her all, and we need dedicated people to -”

Ainsley took a step forward, the tight balling of her fists at her side making her words come out sharp. “Because me leaving my life behind, despite having a bright future there, to join you louts on a one-way trip isn’t commitment.”

Tann’s eyes narrowed as they met her gaze. She held it, unwavering, and her heart skipped a quickening beat inside of her chest. “I don’t appreciate your attitude, Ryder.”

“I didn’t realize you were her goddamn father,” Sloane scoffed.

“That is _enough_.” The look he shot the Security Director could’ve killed, had it been anyone else. Instead, it merely amused her as he continued, the quirk of the corner of her lips one that fed into the irritated fire pooling in his stomach. “Now, given her recent injury, I find it would be in all of our best interests that she take this time off to recover, and –“

“An injury like this isn’t going to stop me, Tann!” The desperation in her voice was laughable. It was tangible, horrid, etching away at her sanity with each word that escaped her. “When has anything ever stopped the Ryders before? I can move around just fine, all I have is a weird limp and some pain that can be taken care of with medi-gel and medicine!”

“You’re a _liability_ , Ryder.”

“Who _isn’t_ right now?! Tann – Director,” her words came from gritted teeth. It was a plea; A plea that made her stomach turn, dotting goosebumps across her skin with each twist of air around their bodies. She doesn't _beg_. But she was going to. “Please, I _need_ to help. I _need_ to be in this. I’m here, one-hundred percent, without a doubt, for this ship, for these people, and for the Initiative. I'm all in."

He didn't speak.

Her heart stopped beating, and her words come out in a trembling whisper. "I _need_ this, Director.”

“Tann,” the gentle grasp of Addison’s fingers wrapping around his thin forearm made him hesitate. “We cannot afford to be divided right now.”

It gave him a moment to think. He thought about it. He really did, but his gut feeling reveled in the fact that she would be their greatest downfall if given back her position. She's too much of a risk to take, and any more deaths thrown at him would surely break his wavering sanity that seemed to hang on a string. It didn’t sit right in his chest - And he had to do what would be best for the Initiative. “I stand by my decision." His words weighed the air down, each one pulling her heart with it. "She will not be needed for future meetings.”

The break of her heart was tangible, standing out against the sullen silence.

“This is _ridiculous_ ,” Kesh fervently shook her head, a jarring  _slam_ viciously jutting through the air when her tensed fist punched the table beside her. A moment of weakness, gave way to frustration. Unlike her. “I need my assistant, Tann! I can’t do what I do without _her_.”

“People are replaceable,” Tann said it as if she were an object that had been broken, one that could easily be tossed aside and replaced by a new, pristine one. He couldn't even look at her. It hurt. “We’ll find you a new one." He looked at her then, and her mind stopped processing her thoughts. "You are dismissed, Ryder.”

* * *

  
It had been a week.

A week since she was indefinitely excused from her time working for Kesh. So much time, so much effort, and so many years spent, lost in a breath, taken by someone that had no idea what they were doing. She’s always going to remember that. She's always going to remember the vicious glare in his eyes, ajar from hers because he couldn't stomach it enough to look at her as he did it. As he said it.

A week since she was pulled out of her fiery pod, minutes away from an explosive death, yet quietly succumbing to the lull of blood loss right as soon as she stood; So much had happened. Yet, strangely, not enough, a sullen mix of too many contrasting things coalescing into one amalgamation she wasn't sure she could handle much more of, and as for Reyes? He was focused on his job, working endless days that seemed to pull him further from her as time passed. He still made time for her, but not as much as she would like.

She understood it.

Had she still held her title under Kesh, she'd be doing the same thing. In the meantime, she'd gotten to work busying herself with learning more about the smaller people - Getting to know Sloane's crew, along with Calix's. A little of Addison's, and a few from Tann's; The little people that were looked aside. Not as important. They'd taken her in, bonded with her, and she's found herself busy peering into endless textbooks and articles on more things pertaining to Engineering than she originally had when she  _did_ hold her title -

Brainstorming about how to fix their still-decaying life support that seemed to hang on by a thread. She's ranted to Reyes a few too many times about it, but he listened with unwavering support each time. Figuring out why their oxygen seemed to only hang in one sector at a time, rather than being able to push itself throughout the Nexus like they needed it to. Discovering why the electricity still faltered after being replaced and upgraded by Kesh's crew.

It was stressful. But it kept her mind off of her legs.

She could still walk, but it took a lot out of her. Endless tests done on the daily by the medical team provided no more insight into how they could fix it; Ainsley knew and understood that prosthetics were... A long ways away from _any_ possibility of happening soon. Even with Kesh's previous promise, she knew Tann would never allow for such a thing to happen. Splints only did so much, and it still messed up the joint in her knees if she walked for too long. 

It hurt. Not just physically, but mentally. And she knew it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. It  _always_ came back, even if she took her medication. Even if she went to therapy. It  _always_ did.

That was another reason as to why Ainsley felt so incredibly lucky that she had Reyes here with her – She had Javek too, of course, the salarian never too far from her heart and always on her mind, but she and Reyes have a bond like none other. It’s ironic to her, honestly, how close they’d gotten in such a short amount of time, given that she’d only visited Omega just a few years prior to the Initiative, but…

Reyes just couldn’t seem to leave her mind, lately. It made her question herself in more ways than one.

And honestly? She _hated_ it.

That was the last thing she needed to be obsessing over right now, especially amidst the mess that seems to have fallen into her lap in the wake of Tann becoming the official Director of the Initiative. She's had more work to do in the one week she'd lost her title than she's had in her entire career for Kesh, and the fact that her brain decided to latch onto this subject, the one that matters  _the least_ , and hyper-fixate on it at the worst opportune moment, made her sick.

“Platonic soul mates?” The squeaked-out question was poised to nothing, the air around her cold body making her shiver. It’d taken awhile for most of the apartments’ facilities to start working after a good chunk of the ship’s power had been restored, but once they had? She ran for the showers. Reyes’ shower, given that her sector had the most damage and would take a while to get back up. But still, a shower. An early morning one at that. When was the last time she had one? She didn't even want to think about that.  _Over six-hundred years ago, that's for sure._ “That’s a thing, right?”

Nobody answered her.

She was grateful for it, in a strange way. It gave her more time to sit on the thought, mulling over it. They _have_ been friends for quite awhile now, never going too long without talking to the other about any and everything, telling them about all of the things happening in their lives. Days spent curled up in each other's rooms together, snorting themselves into laughter and losing themselves in their work while enjoying the other's presence. Sometimes, they never spoke a word to each other. They just  _knew_.

Their relationship was so comfortable. _He_ was so comfortable. He made her feel relaxed and at ease, like nothing she's ever experienced before. Home, almost. He felt a bit like home, a piece of the Milky Way plucked from the galaxy and tucked into her pocket. They _had_ gotten impossibly closer over the past few years, but... 

Her stomach twisted uneasily at the thought of the possibility of developing feelings for her best friend, and she shook her head. “I guess. I don’t know. Soul mates make more sense than what I’ve been thinking. I…” She sighed. Were they misguided? Was she projecting, latching on and thinking too much while looking too far into something that was the only thing that made her feel at home amidst this nightmare? A misplaced comfort? “I don’t really know.”

She paused, and determinedly nodded. "I think I'm thinking too much. He's my friend. My best friend."

Speaking aloud felt stupid, but it grounded her in a way that she couldn’t really explain. It's a habit she's picked up over the past year, especially since landing in Andromeda. Her brain runs at a constant break-neck pace, never stopping for a moment to turn over one thought that piques her interest. Speaking it into the world allowed for her to fully process it for a moment, giving it the attention she originally wanted to give it.

Reyes caught her talking to a wall once, a few days ago.

> _“I’m so bloody tired,” her voice came out hoarse, rugged on the edges despite the pitch in her octave, louder than she wanted; Too loud. She was being too loud, but she couldn't stop herself. How long had she been sitting there? Too long. Way too long. Way too long, too much time spent lost in this **God-forsaken** book. Trembling legs struggled to bend so she could stand, fumbling hands reaching for support on the wall that offered none. _
> 
> _It hurt._
> 
> _It hurt to press against her body in that way, its unwillingness to comply biting into the annoyance in the back of her brain. She pushed herself up, only to fall. Over and over and over and **over** -_
> 
> _It was overwhelming. Reading wasn't overwhelming. That was the last thing that would ever overwhelm her. She knew damn well what was annoying her, what was overwhelming her, and she couldn't keep it at bay. She couldn't hold it back. She couldn't get it out of her head. She couldn't press those thoughts away. She couldn't keep herself together._
> 
> _She couldn't._
> 
> _She was done._
> 
> _She was **tired**. _
> 
> _"I just don’t understand it.” It was useless chatter. Mindless. "I don't get it."_
> 
> _The book in her lap clattered to the floor from her sharp movements, her mind barely registering the flutter of pages and the bang of a diluted thud beside her. Another try to stand, another fall. Push and pull, push and pull, stuck on repeat. Her throat constricted. “It’s – It doesn’t – I don’t –“_
> 
> _Ainsley stumbled, slamming splayed palms into the wall when she lost her balance just as she finally managed to stand. She accepted it. She didn't fight it. Ginger hair tumbled over her shoulders, knotted and messy, stained with sweat, curling over her body as her bloodshot eyes searched for an answer she couldn’t find in the swirling mass of faux wood in front of her._
> 
> _Whorls twisted, covering her vision in a dizzying concoction of shapes and forms amidst the blur of exhaustion. She couldn't think anymore. What came out of her was mindless goop, something to keep herself from focusing on the thing that was itching beneath her skin, panic. “Inertias don’t work in that way, and for this stupid thing to say that it does, makes **no** sense.”_
> 
> _"No sense." It was a whisper, lost in the silence of the air. She pressed her forehead against the cool of the wall in defeat, her eyes falling shut as she let out a shaky breath. Tears stung her peripheral vision, and her throat uselessly flickered. “No... I’m so tired.”_
> 
> _“I’m so tired.” It repeated, endless. Why is she this way? Why is this happening? What made God decide to give this to her? It wasn't just her legs. It wasn't **just.** It  **was**. It was everything. It was nothing. It was **everything**. “I’m so tired, I’m so - I'm so tired, I'm –“_
> 
> _The warmth of a soul joining hers cut her off. She could feel it. She could feel him without even opening her eyes, but she wanted to. She wanted to look at him. A tremble settled itself into her bottom lip as she looked over, her cheek pressed against the wall; She blinked, and a tear left a wet stain of a trail in its wake._
> 
> _“I don’t get it either,” his rich voice settled her in a way that she couldn’t explain, in a way that she couldn’t put the proper thoughts to. His expression held something in it that she couldn't quite put her finger on in the exhaustion that barred her from thinking, but it was there. It was warm. It was a spark. “I can tell my crew exactly how to properly insert the mag-stock in our ship's four times in a row, but do they listen? No.”_
> 
> _Whiskey-warmed eyes met hers in a sideways glance. He wasn't talking about his crew. "I don't think they'll ever listen."_
> 
> _She looked so tired._
> 
> _She looked done._
> 
> _She knew it._
> 
> _He knew it._
> 
> _It was._
> 
> _A knowing wink made her nostrils flare, her lips pressing together to hold back a sob that wanted to break free. He knew. He understood. He knew it wasn't what she was saying that was frustrating her. He knew. She didn’t have to speak it into existence for him to know, he just did. She couldn't speak. He knew. His hand met her lower back, and he pressed his forehead to the wall beside hers._
> 
> _He knew._
> 
> _"Things suck,” he said. She slightly nodded. He turned his head to look at her, and his hand reached up to cradle her jaw. Warm, calloused, but life. Alive. Him. That's what she needed. Her trembling hand came to rest over his as she leaned into his touch, and the tight grip on it furthered his. “It's not fair. You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be mad. And we can stew in it. Together.”_

She's started doing it more often after that.

It helped, much more than anything else she's ever done, and was a more productive thing to do than... Other things she's since stopped doing that were more harmful than good.

That train of thought led her right back to him, and she sighed. That's how it always went - Her thoughts traced galaxies around her mind, before following the stormy sea that led her back to him. She absolutely adored Reyes, as a friend. She absolutely loved Reyes, as a friend. She felt only the utmost respect for Reyes, as a friend. She stared at herself in the mirror, coming face to face with an all-too-tired gaze staring back, and scrunched up her soft features in thought, wiggling her nose.  _Right?_

Her brain hesitated to confirm it, to ease her worries and comfort her that she was right, and a strange flutter pounded mindless flurries against the interior-line of her small ribcage at the thought.  _Right?_

Another bout of silence answered her.

It felt useless to argue with herself any longer.

She was waiting for an answer that would never come.

Trembling fingertips combed through her stuck-together wet hair, following its endless trail down the curve of her bare shoulder as a wide-tooth combed followed after them. She’d been staring at herself in his bathroom’s mirror for a while, now, the steam from her shower dotting the edges of its frame and slowly fading away as more time had passed. She looked exhausted. She  _felt_ exhausted, but not in the typical way. Not in the right way.

It scared her.

Her reflection made her discover new freckles dotting her already star-kissed skin, deeper and darker than ever before. How? There’s been no sun. If she wanted wishful thinking, she'd pin it on the flames she'd been face-to-face with a week ago. She idly shrugged, not quite certain she wanted to question what was going on, anymore. "I've been through stranger things this week."

She didn’t rush to get ready. What she was feeling now, the telltale sting of blistering water still pinching the edges of the mildly-healed cuts puncturing her legs from the knee-up, made her feel real. Alive. She hasn’t felt like that since she was pulled from her near-explosive cryo-pod, the familiar feeling of ghost blood trickling down the trail of her hamstrings tensing her body, stealing her breath away and kissing warmth across her chilled skin as her grip tensed on her hair, subconsciously pulling and pulling –  

A knock on the door made her hesitate. Her hair slipped from her fingers, the tension in her body dissipating within a soft breath that eased her ribcage down. It was followed by a rich, familiar voice, and she pressed her lips together to focus on it. _“You alright in there?”_

Reyes.

Ainsley took in a shaky breath, grateful for the sudden distraction. When had she started pulling on her hair? Irrelevant. It felt familiar, the symptoms falling upon her then, the tug of an endless mute that threatened to swallow her lively spirit alive once again, and her heart tensed. No.  _Pull yourself back together, Ainsley. The last thing you need to be doing is falling into another one of your downward spirals._ “Am I taking too long?”

_“Not to be the bearer of bad news, but yes.”_ She could hear the softest chuckle in Reyes’ muffled voice. She rolled her eyes. _“You are. I’d rather you not selfishly hog all of the hot water, especially given that it’s **my** apartment and that it’s a rather limited quantity right now, but... I **was** a gentleman, letting you take the first turn."_  She could feel his sly little grin through the door. _"I’d like mine now.”_

“Okay, you bloody spoilsport.” She smiled. More than she should’ve. _I can think about this later on. Focus on the more important things in the meantime._  She cleared her throat. “Let me get dressed, and I’ll be out soon.”

* * *

  
One footstep followed the other, falling effortlessly into sync as if a puzzle finished by the last piece slipping into place as they left his apartment complex once Reyes had finished with his shower. They always seemed perfect together, the rhythm between them unmatched by any other – It’s no wonder why, honestly, that they were attached by the hip wherever they went.

“We’ve made a lot of progress so far,” Ainsley said, taking in the allure of just how grand the Habitation Deck looks _already_. Flowers had been planted, though their stores hadn’t been radiated like their food stores had, perfuming the air and adding in the gentlest touch of home amidst the destruction still rampant. She'll take that over anything else - It’s better to have something rather than nothing. “Can you believe it’s just been one week, and, literally, most of the repair crew has taken care of a lot of the damage?”

“Right? I bet Tann nearly had a heart attack when Sloane took those krogan out of cryo-sleep for that job.” Reyes chuckled, shaking his head. “I must say though, for what the poor Nexus went through, she’s looking like a million bucks right now.”

“She _was_ a million bucks." Her eyes followed the trail of people dotting the fringing edges of the vast expanse of the room, some admiring the flowers and plants while others took notes on the damage yet to be fixed. It still felt sparse, those awake on the Nexus, but not as sparse as it had been when she woke up. Even then, it was still early. "Way over.”

He snorted. “I don’t doubt that.”

"Right? I -"

Reyes reached out to a rosebush they'd just started to pass by, stopping their steps and her words right in their tracks, to grasp ahold of a flower just starting to wilt. She watched him for a moment, her brow quirking up in curiosity, only for him to carefully pluck it from its spot. He faced her with the slightest smile, tucking her hair behind her freckled ear and carefully placing the stem, minding the thorns, into the hair just above her ear.

It was an understatement to say that she blushed. Her entire body, from the tips of her toes to the curve of her forehead, slowly speckled the softest shade of pink, splintering against her freckles in uneven splotches. She couldn't seem to form any words, and the only thing that managed to leave her lips made her recoil. It was awkward. "Why?"

Why did she say _why_? Why did he do  _that_? Amidst her brain avidly berating her, he simply grinned. It confused her. He almost seemed to be admiring the way the vivid red stood out in such a stark contrast to her pale skin, and when he spoke, it was quietly murmured in an aside, as if he were idly commenting it to himself. "It looked beautiful, like you."

That did it - She just couldn't contain her smile, accentuated by the flush that only seemed to grow deeper at his compliment. She wasn't sure what his game was, but he wasn't there right now. Not truly. "Reyes...?"

Honey-loved eyes caught her gaze, and the look that flickered in them made her heart skip an unsteady beat. Ainsley swallowed it down as the edges of his lips curved, revealing a playful smile that danced across his face - His voice almost had the softest hint of awe laced through it, if she listened closely enough. “It’s been six-hundred years since we’ve last seen flowers. I thought I would’ve missed them more, considering how beautiful they are, but…” 

“Seeing the comparison now…” A calloused hand reached out, his thumb idly trailing over the curve of a vividly-saturated petal before it fell to gingerly trace the curve of her freckled jaw. It made her shiver, the slightest hike of her shoulder deepening his effortless smile. His head slightly tilted to the side, the flicker of his eyes from the rose carefully tucked into her hair beside her ear to the soft jade of her eyes one that kissed dizzying goosebumps across her skin. “I don’t think anything could ever compare to you.”

She was internally  _screaming_.

Ainsley didn't want to brush it off, but her heart was fluttering so intensely, climbing into the back of her throat, that she could barely take in a deep enough breath to settle it. She couldn't quite tell where to look, nervously searching his eyes for an answer to a question she wasn't sure she wanted to ask. Her voice trembled, and she struggled to find the words to say. "I, uh..."

"I..." She mentally kicked herself, mostly because she wasn't sure how to react right now, given that he's never done anything like this towards her before, but she ran with it. "You're such a cheesy dork."

He grinned. Was he expecting that? Or was he laughing it off? "I knew you were going to say that."

"It's true. And honestly," she didn't want to change the subject, but she could barely breathe. "I can’t believe that we’re able to grab our things from our lockers now. I mean, I figured they would’ve wanted us to wait, given that people are still waking up out of cryo-sleep and, well… Most of the apartments are still damaged, so people don’t really have a physical place to put their things.” She pursed her lips. “I would’ve told them to wait, anyways.”

“I can see why you'd say that. They’re small lockers, though." Reyes picked up on the subject change so smoothly. She wondered if he felt hurt by it - Her eyes followed the curve of his brow, watching the subtle twitch of it as he looked away. If he did, he did an awfully good job at hiding it. She felt terrible. "Not big enough for too many things, really.”

He mused on the thought that came from his idle comment, before his words trailed off to poise the next question that seemed to frazzle him for only the slightest moment. “Is your apartment still damaged?”

“Uh, yeah...” She cleared her throat, fixating her gaze ahead as they followed the wide-set staircase that led down to the tram. Her grip tightened on the railing beside her, but it was more to steady her heart than her uncertain steps. It felt obvious, the feeling of his eyes trained on her. “I mean, that _is_ why I showered at your place, and not my own.”

The next sentence came from him effortlessly, as if it was the easiest decision in the entire world that he didn’t even have to think about for even a second. “You can stay with me." She was amazed. "In my apartment.”

“Reyes…” Her eyes fell shut for the briefest moment. She let out a soft breath. “That’s not necessary, you know.”

“It’s necessary for me.” His words were punctuated by the press of the tram’s button, the soft chime dancing behind his voice. “I’d feel much better knowing that you’re sleeping somewhere safe, and not… In that mess, whatever it is. Do the locks on your apartment even work? I had to tweak mine. A malfunction. Had to fix it myself.”

Ainsley sighed, sparing a glance over at him. The stringent lighting of the lobby reflected intriguing shapes and patterns over his sharp features as the doors opened, contrasting against the deep tawny-beige of his skin, and she admired them. “I’m _fine,_ Dad _._ ”

“If you’re _fine_ ,” they stepped inside, and the doors shut. He pressed the button that would lead them just a floor above the Habitation Deck, to the storage facilities for that sector. The metal uncertainly groaned, before giving way and ushering to a flitter of life. “Where have you been sleeping, then?”

“Uh, on the fluff of my ripped-up couch.” She _definitely_ couldn’t meet his gaze then. She knew he was right, and she _hated_ it. But, she didn’t want to think about the implication that she’d have to mentally deal with. _My awfully strange feelings as of late, that is. He doesn't deserve to have that put on him, not when I have no idea what's going on._ Let alone, she knew how difficult it was to handle being around her when she's mentally down. “It’s actually quite comfortable, you know.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, no. That settles it – You’re moving in with me. For the time being, at least.”

“Fine.” Ainsley’s arms folded over her chest, before she grinned. It was bright and warm, lighting up the pale lighting that barely illuminated the blue-lined metal of the tram’s lobby. “I call the bed.”

“Oh!” He laughed so carelessly, so richly and lively, and it made her smile grow even more. It danced behind his words and hummed through his chest as he leaned against the railing that lined the chairs behind him, crossing his arms loosely over his chest. She could almost feel it reverberating in hers. “So quick to call shotgun, despite previously denying even wanting to accept my offer!”

“What can I say?" She shrugged. "I’m just a girl who simply appreciates the finer things in life.”

The awfully smug, shit-eating look that flickered in his honey-loved eyes made her eyes narrow. He took a moment to answer, the silence one that was drawn-out for a dramatic flair, but when he did, it took her back. “I’ll say.”

“Reyes!” Her jaw dropped, as did her arms. They fell to her sides before her hands balled into fists, playfully throwing the softest punch in his direction. “I _will_ hit you.”

He stepped back, biting down another laugh that threatened to spill loose from his body when she missed him. “Of course.”

A moment of silence came over them, then, as their idle laughter quieted down. It was only broken by the undying hum of the tram moving. Ainsley took that as an opportunity to ponder his proposition, allowing it to pool at the bottom of her stomach in uncertainty, and sighed when she was met with no answers. Instead, she decided to distract herself. “Can we share? The bed. I don't want to sleep on the floor.”

“That’s what I was counting on. And, even then, I wouldn't make you sleep on the floor.” Hydraulics hissed and they burst into action, taking the first step out of the tram. She took a moment to catch her bearings, grasping his forearm to steady herself on an uneasy step, before catching her rhythm, and he continued. “No different than a few nights on Omega before when your, and I use this term loosely, _manager_ would take someone back to your hotel room.”

“Exactly!” Ainsley hated relying on him to help her walk. It’s been trying, following through on her promise to get constant check-ups and tests done. No progress so far, but that’s for another time. If she thought about it for too long, she could feel her depression creeping up on the horizon of her brain. “Though… How big is your bed, Reyes? You know I sleep all over the place, so I’d hate to smother you alive.”

“As if you could ever manage that.” The look he gave her, amusement bright in his lovely eyes and the slightest crinkle of his slightly-hooked nose, made her press her lips together to bite back a grin. “I don’t think you could even intentionally hurt a fly, Ainsley.” She rolled her eyes, and he hesitated. “As for the bed… We’ll make it work.”

 She snorted. “You sound so confident with that.”

“It’ll be a tight squeeze.” Their pace had slowed down. When had she started limping? Or, when had he caught onto that while she hadn’t? Another new, unsolved mystery of Andromeda to add to the tally. His tally, more like it. “I’m sure you’ve slept in worse places than that, though.”

“Wow, that’s a bold claim.” Ainsley took in a deep breath, fighting back the tell-tale sign of exertion pressing at the back of her eyes. She hated how easily fatigued she gets after too much walking, now. It takes a lot out of her. “Maybe I have. Maybe I haven’t. What’s it to you?”

“I know for a fact that you have.”

“Excuse me?” The knowing twinkle of a secret spilled hinted in his golden eyes made her ginger brows furrow deeply. “How? Reyes Vidal, what sort of incriminating material have you gathered on me now? I thought I was exempt from that sort of thing.”

“Ha!” Reyes smirked. “So you thought – You’re my best friend, Ains. Of course I’m going to know all of your deepest and darkest secrets without you even needing to tell me.”

“Right, that’s not creepy at all.” He leaned towards her as their steps stilled, the bop of his shoulder against hers accompanied by the curl of a smirk pulling on his lips making her eyes roll. She sighed. “Reyes…” Her arms folded across her chest as she turned to face him. “Just tell me, you little shit.”

“Your ex-boyfriend.”

“Oh," she cringed, "ouch.”

“Speaking of – Did he come to Andromeda?”

“You know…” Her hands rubbed at her eyes. They fell back into step, nearing a set of closed doors sat at the end of a dwindling hallway that flickered with unsteady lights. Some sections were lucky enough to have functioning power, while others weren’t so much. This point was just before the dying-end of the oxygenated zone the Nexus could support. “I didn’t really ask, nor did I actively seek him out for that very question. I would rather not ever know, to be honest.”

“He did, didn’t he?”

“Yeah.” The way her shoulders fell with her answer made him flinch. She sounded so _dejected_. He hated it. “He’s on the turian ark, though, so we won’t be seeing him for a long while. Or, forever, really, given that all of the arks have, thus far, been MIA and, quite possibly, dead.”

“That’s one way to look at it.”

“And you view it another?”

“Another possibility is that they’ve already reached their golden worlds, while we haven’t. Who knows, they might be the ones waiting for _us_.”

“I really, _highly_ doubt that.”

“Ainsley Ryder being negative? That’s a first.”

“Reyes Vidal being positive? That’s a definite first.” The slightest look of hurt in his eyes made her backtrack, sighing. “I’m sorry. I’m just… We’ve been through a lot, and it’s only been one week. Within an hour of waking up, I lost all feeling from the knee-down. That’s a lot to take in, Reyes. Especially for someone like me, who’s already been bullied for being fat, for having horrid skin, for being this and that, this and that. I’m tired of adding more fuel to the fire.”

“Ainsley...” He reached out, catching her forearm with the gentlest grasp she’s felt from him yet. He was always gentle with her, but this was different. She allowed him to make her stop, the feel of his palms coming to rest on her shoulders as she turned to face him enough to make her crack. She swallowed thickly, unable to meet his gaze. “You’re strong.”

He tilted his head forward when she wouldn't look him in the eyes, and she hesitantly caught his gaze. The conviction in them was enough to fuel her fire, enough to bring back the confidence that's since fizzled out years ago. “I know that you are, and I know that _you_ know that. If you can survive a trip through dark space, you can live through _anything_.”

She couldn’t find the words to answer him.

All she could manage was a teary-eyed, grateful smile, before pulling him into a crushing hug.

That was all he needed.

That was all she needed, the dig of her nails into his back steadying her. 

A punctuated silence fell between them, though more comfortable than awkward as they let go of each other and fell back into step. The softest brush of his hand against hers made her flinch, but she fell oblivious to the fact that he was trying to hold her hand. That was, until, he finally reached out and caught it, interlacing their fingers. She smiled, unable to stop the little bubble that formed in her chest.

She was grateful for him.

More than just grateful.

An occasional glance at each other was all that was needed instead of talking then, effortlessly held in by small smiles as they rounded a corner through the slightly-cramped hallway that led them right into the room they'd wanted to be in.

Each sector had its own version of a locker room – Metal upon metal was neatly intertwined, sanctioned in the shape of a box within the center of a room that led into the stasis chambers adjacent. The lockers each had their own label, either hand-made by those who received it, or aptly engraved with their initials by those working for the Nexus. Ainsley hand-made Reyes' label, and he made hers.

It’d taken Ainsley awhile to convince her father, but she managed for them to get storage lockers that were next to each other. The flick of her omni-tool washed a soft warmth over cool silver, bathing her freckled features in orange as she let go of his hand; A gentle tap of her fingers against its screen popped her locker open, and she smiled.

A framed picture of her family, the Ryders. Happily sat in Hyde Park, underneath an amalgamation of storm-battered clouds overhead while a patch of sunshine broke through to stream over them, bathing them in bright lights and gentle washes of color that danced over their skin like an unspoken song. It was perfect, a gentle reminder of home.

Better and brighter times, she idly reminded herself.

The next item was her sketchbook for her portfolio from college, each piece inside one that she’s spent hours slaving over, hours lost into long nights left barren with tears. She’s never worked so hard in her life for something she’s wanted so bad, and it’s what gave her a passing grade. Not that she’d originally struggled with her grades, of course – But it propelled her into early graduation. Which, brought her to the next item –

Her degree, framed carefully and elegantly. She couldn’t even bear the thought of leaving without it. Not after all that she went through and endured for it.

Given her current job, it’s useless. Not only entirely, but in every way physically possible. There’s no use for a degree in Andromeda, let alone for someone with – Or, rather, someone who _had_ the title of Assistant Director for Engineering. But it’s a gentle reminder of what she was aiming for, what she dared to embrace the stars for, before she followed her father blindly to the point of no return.

_Maybe one day…_

“Ainsley,” she’d forgotten that he was there. It was funny, almost, how enraptured she’d been in her degree. She looked up, and paused at the piece of sketchbook paper that had been framed elegantly in his hands. It was vivid, deep browns and saturated blacks a sharp contrast to the white, and it took her breath away. Her eyes widened, the memory of it all pulling at the back of her mind by his echoed voice. “Remember this?”

> _His smile was his most distracting quality._
> 
> _A_ _nd it was the only thing keeping her from bursting into tears on the spot._
> 
> _Five-hundred credits for her art is… Shit, a lot of money for her to even begin to wrap her mind around. Her family wasn’t poor, but they definitely weren’t rich. That much money wasn’t a thing in her life. And receiving it from him, an acquaintance turned friend, just like that? Without a second thought, as if he had no qualms about doing it, for **her**? _
> 
> _She couldn’t even fathom **it**._
> 
> _She couldn’t even fathom **him**._
> 
> _“Do you,” her words trembled, but they came out after a few seconds. “Do you have any family here?”_
> 
> _“They’re the only reason I **am** here.” It was brief, the slightest hint of disdain in his tone. But just like that, it was gone, never to be seen again. “Omega is… An acquired taste, I suppose. And one I’ve only just acquired myself.”_
> 
> _That earned the softest giggle from her, though it cracked on the edges. The scratch of lead meeting paper was soothing to her ears, a balm for her soul as she continued working on the piece she’d started right as soon as he handed her that money. “I’ll say. What kinda family? Mother? Father? Siblings?”_
> 
> _He weighed his options, almost – It was tangible, his thoughts, racing over one another before he settled himself. It was almost as if he wasn’t sure if he should be guarded around her or not. “A sick mother and a family with too many brothers.”_
> 
> _“Sick?” The worry in her eyes when he caught her gaze took him back – He looked shocked by it. Like he wasn’t used to people caring for him, or his family, like that. “Sick how?”_
> 
> _It came out thick, laden by the hint of disbelief still clung to his breath. “Cancer.”_
> 
> _“Oh, Reyes… I’m so sorry.”_
> 
> _"It's fine," he smiled, as if the weight of what he’d just said didn’t matter. As if it didn't bother him as much as it seemed to. “I’ve already done my grieving.”_
> 
> _“Is… I… I’m so, so sorry – I don’t even have words to explain how I'm feeling right now. Was chemotherapy not an option for her?” She was mentally kicking herself, but... “Or is – If you’re fine with my asking, that is, is she taking some sort of medication instead?”_
> 
> _“Her immune system wasn’t up to par for those.” It was visible, the thread of his composure. But he kept it in check, swallowing it down as he continued. She was grateful he didn't mind her asking. “And she decided not to, given that the cancer’s form is rather aggressive, and she’s simply tired. It's been a few years.”_
> 
> _“I’m… Wow. I’m here for you, you know that? I know we’ve just met and all, but that’s a lot for someone to go through alone. And I don't want anyone to go through that alone. Anything you need, I'm here.” She held his gaze, and the gratitude hinted in his eyes made her heart positively ache. “I’m… I’m so incredibly sorry. What of your brothers?”_
> 
> _“They’re all younger than I am. Two twins that are sixteen, and the next nineteen. I’ve been working the odd jobs here and there to support them," he took in a soft breath, "but they won’t be needing me much longer, I suppose.”_
> 
> _“I feel that.” Ainsley idly nodded. Her mind flickered to Lukas, on the arguments that seemed to have plagued them before she decided to leave for college, and her heart ached in her chest. It was all too familiar for her likings. “I have a twin brother and, as we’ve gotten older, even though we’ve been really close growing up, I’ve definitely felt a little bit of a divide between us.”_
> 
> _“Time changes things. At least, that’s what my mother used to say.”_
> 
> _“It really does, doesn’t it?” Her lips pressed together in thought, before she decided to say it. “My mother is sick, too – Radiation-caused cancer. From her exposure to eezo in her line of work, which also gave me my biotics.”_
> 
> _“Another thing we have in common, then. Uh, save for the biotics, of course.”_
> 
> _“Yeah.” She paused, before – “Wait, what?” Her nose crinkled in unabashed curiosity, muffled by the slightest hint of confusion that ebbed with amusement. “What **else** do we have in common? Not that we're wildly different or anything like that, just... We've only known each other for, what? A week?”_
> 
> _He chuckled, and she flushed. “Your obvious disdain for this place. Don’t worry – I’ve already told you that I felt the same. Another thing is your wide-eyed wonder that’s so apparent, paired with your eagerness to… Let’s say, learn everything about everyone.”_
> 
> _“You, eager?”_
> 
> _“I can be.”_
> 
> _“My mother raised me to question everything, Reyes. If it can be argued against, then it should be questioned. Especially for more controversial things, but as for pertaining to people?" She thought about it for a moment, before she smiled. "I like learning about them. Where they’re from, why they’re where they are, what they’re doing – It’s fun. Everyone’s so different, so **diverse** , and it blows my mind.”_
> 
> _The quirk of his eyebrow made her hesitate, faltering on her words. Her lips parted with an invisible question, and he merely smiled. “It’s intriguing, in my opinion – Your curiosity. All too often, you see more people who are shut-off from others and hold them an arm’s length away. Plainly speaking, they don’t care.”_
> 
> _“But -“_
> 
> _“You do. And I like it.” That flustered her. “You’re refreshing, especially in such a grim place as this. I watched you and Anaiah speak for a little while – I knew her from a few deals here and there, mostly nothing important. However, she’s generally rude, and not one for small talk. But the moment she saw you, something inside of her lit up, and it wasn’t anything that I’ve, personally, seen before – She changed right in front of my eyes. You bring out the best in people.”_
> 
> _“I try to.”_
> 
> _“You **do**.”   _
> 
> _She smiled._
> 
> _He loved it._
> 
> _When she smiled, her nose wrinkled in the cutest way - The curve of her lips revealed a white smile that was strikingly contrasting against her pale skin dotted by freckles, and it pulled at his heart in such a strange way that he wasn't sure what he was feeling. She's beautiful, standing out against her surroundings in such a positive way, that it nearly hurt to look at her._
> 
> _The marketplace had started to dwindle down by now. The steady flicker of street lights illuminated by pillars interlaced with holographic ads started to fade, only punctuating the brighter spots here and there in the more filled areas. He could tell that made her nervous, but he wouldn't let anything happen while he was there._
> 
> _Voices trailed off, gradually dispersing until it was only idle conversation that was audible from every depth; Soft laughter hinted at the corners, twirling through the air, before disappearing just as soon as it had._
> 
> _Omega wasn’t typically cold, but the air had the slightest bite of a chill racing through it, pinching through the viscosity of his leather jacket and rushing along her olive-lined coat._
> 
> _But, that didn’t stop her. It didn’t hinder the steady flick of her wrist against the paper, though it hesitated to pull her jacket closer against her on a rough shiver that made her hand tremble. Reyes noticed that, the shuffle of fabric ahead of her making her glance up –_
> 
> _He had started to take his jacket off._
> 
> _“I’m fine,” it came out quicker than she wanted. “Really.”_
> 
> _“You’re shivering.”_
> 
> _“It’s just nerves.”_
> 
> _“Nerves?” He chuckled. “Why, because of me? I’m not **that** intimidating, am I?”_
> 
> _“Reyes… You’re literally a bad boy persona times five-hundred.”_
> 
> _The amused crinkle of his eyes and nose made her eyes narrow. “I know, I’m a try-hard. Still, you’re shivering, and I’m not about to let a woman go cold in my presence.”_
> 
> _“Reyes, you’re gonna be cold, then! I’m fine – My jacket is thick, even though it doesn’t look like it. And if I get up and move around a little bit, I’ll be just fine.”_
> 
> _“How long until that happens?”_
> 
> _She frowned._
> 
> _That answered him. He stood, shrugging the leather jacket off of his shoulders to loosely wrap around hers. He wasn’t sure what it was, whether it was the grateful smile she offered him or the softest twinkle in her eyes of an emotion unspoken, but something clicked in him at that moment._
> 
> _And he didn’t like what it was._
> 
> _“Thank you,” the soothing tone of her voice interrupted his thoughts, and he merely winked at her as he sat back down._
> 
> _“There’s no need to thank me – That’s what gentlemen do.”_
> 
> _“Uh huh.” The shiver in her voice died down, replaced by the warmest smile that graced her face as she got back to work on the drawing. Originally, it was supposed to be just a sketch, just a rough draft of how he looked. The same as the others, as she had originally planned. But, the longer they sat there, amicably talking and happily laughing together, she wanted to do more._
> 
> _She wanted to do something better for him. He looks like somebody who’s never gotten anything good given to them just because, as if he’s the one who’s always overlooked and pushed aside, under the rug; His feelings ignored and cast away as if it never mattered in the first place._
> 
> _He’s been so sweet to her – It’s the least she could do for him. So, she reached into the pack sat by her feet to grab a few of her pots of oil paint that she'd stored for later use when she'd get back to her temporary place._
> 
> _And it wasn’t as though they’d been sitting there for a few minutes – By the stray glances from passerbys and the fade of more lights dwindling, they’d been at it for a few hours, now._
> 
> _This is the most comfort she’s felt in years, with **anyone**. This little drawing was only just a small repayment for what happiness he’s brought her already, despite their brief friendship. _
> 
> _Would she dare to call it a friendship? It’s only been a few days._
> 
> _Her hand hesitated, before she subtly nodded._
> 
> _Yes, friendship._
> 
> _That settled it, then. With the final flick of her wrist and a gaudy glance up to confirm his likeness with the drawing, she settled back against her chair and triumphantly smiled._
> 
> _He lit up in a way that took her breath away. “It’s done?”_
> 
> _She meekly nodded, the giddy smile on her face almost too much for him to handle._
> 
> _“Well, aren’t you going to show me?” He chuckled. “God forbid I die of suspense before seeing it, yeah?”_
> 
> _Ainsley couldn’t stop smiling. She wasn’t sure why, or how – She just simply couldn’t. It wasn’t possible. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought, and, suddenly, a jolt of fear pierced her heart. No – Don’t back out now. She took in a steadying breath before she turned the sketchbook around, green eyes wide and searching for a sign of something, **anything** in his – _
> 
> _The look of sheer admiration on his face melted her. Adoration apparent in whiskey-loved eyes made her body tense, tightening as he grasped the book from her hands and brought it to his lap._
> 
> _He couldn’t even form words._
> 
> _Her question hung in the air, afraid to be brought to life. “Do… Do you like it?”_
> 
> _The awe in his voice was hard to miss, punctuated by his feather-light touch tracing the curve of his jaw on the paper. Wonder. Awe. He felt everything, all at once, and too much of it. He looked up then, and she couldn't breathe. “I love it.”_

“Of course I do,” she could almost see it, that same feeling flickering through his eyes as she met his gaze. She could almost feel the memory on playback through them, reality so far away. Her hand darted out, lightly pinching the bridge of his slightly-hooked nose, and brought him right back. “It only took me four hours to get your bloody nose right. It’s got this little hook just in the center that took me  _ages_ to get just how I wanted it.”

He scoffed, swatting her hand away. “Four, wonderful hours spent talking with someone as handsome as me, right?”

“Or,” she splayed her hands in the air, “stick with me here: Four hours spent with someone as beautiful as me working her heart out over a sketch of someone as handsome as you, eh?”

He rolled his eyes. “How about this – We both spent four hours speaking with equally beautiful people. Though… I do have to say, in the cute department? You win, by far.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Ainsley grinned, thumbing the corner of the drawing’s frame, before she slightly shrugged. It seemed as if the motion was more of an after-thought than anything else, her words muttered in an aside. “I mean, you’re cute too, though.”

“I know.” A soft hum danced under his breath as he stared at her, his eyes trailing over her face, before a lazy grin pulled at his lips. “You just have this little bit of extra… Something.”

“Hmm…” Her eyes slowly narrowed as she caught his gaze. The slightest hint of mischief flickered in them, and she pursed her lips. “Compliment, or an insult? The world may never know.”

“Me, insult you?” His chuckle came out as more of a joking one rather than a disbelieving one. “I would  _never_!”

“Oh,” She giggled, giving his shoulder the gentlest push as she stepped away from him. “I think you would, you dork.”

“But, yet, there you go with the insults towards me.” The dramatics in his tone, pulling at each word, was enough to make her nearly burst into right laughter. He simply shrugged his shoulders, letting out a sigh. “Dork? How eloquent, Ainsley.”

“God, Reyes – This could’ve been such an emotional moment between us, but then you go around doing this.” Ainsley folded her arms over her chest, slowly shaking her head, before determinedly nodding. “I can’t believe I have to pull this card out on you, but… You’re…”

The realization dawned on him, what she was about to say to him, and he gasped. It was quiet, barely there, but there. He stepped closer to her, his eyes narrowing dangerously, and he furrowed his brows. “Don’t you dare.”

She pursed her lips, meeting his gaze. There was a silent challenge hidden in them, daring for her to continue, and she wasn’t about to back down. He frowned, and she nonchalantly shrugged. She had to suppress the sudden bout of giggles wanting to escape her, caught in her chest. “I gotta.”

“Ainsley –“

“You’re –“

“Ainsley Hope –”

“A,” the next word came out in a whisper. Powerful, but soft. “Softy.”

He gasped, pressing a hand over his heart as he fell against the locker beside him. Overtly dramatic, as always, and she couldn’t keep herself from squeaking out into the most absolute  _worst_  laughter she’s ever had. “I  _cannot_  believe that you just said that to me. You’re a terrible,  _terrible_ person, Ainsley Ryder.”

“The worst,” Ainsley snorted, tilting her head as she gathered her belongings in her arms. “So, back to your apartment?”

“Yeah,” he grinned, pocketing the small tidbits from his locker and neatly tucking the framed picture in his right arm. He offered his left, the bend of his elbow warmed by the curve of hers wrapping around it, and they took off.

The further they went deeper into the heart of the outskirts that led them away from the locker room, the more it revealed an amalgamation of people dwindling here and there, idling at certain points amidst lilted laughter. If she thought about it long enough, it almost seemed as if there were _too many_ people out of cryogenic sleep.

That worried her.

She furrowed her brows, reaching out to tap his shoulder. “There’s been a lot of people waking up lately. Have you noticed that?”

“I have.” Reyes spared a glance over at her, though the press of his lips did little to ease her start of anxiety. “I’ve heard a few rumors here and there that Tann is getting a little too trigger happy with the stasis controls, but… You never know, might be somebody else doing it.”

Ainsley sighed, furrowing her brows. “I wouldn’t put it past him to be doing this.”

“Have they included you in anything, yet?”

“No. Sloane and Kesh have, while the other two are giving me more of a cold shoulder than I thought they could. A definite run for my money, there.” She shook her head. “Tann offered me a small position in comparison to my original one, but I shot it down.”

“I can understand why,” he said softly. It was subtle, but he knew exactly why she turned it down. And it made him mad. Not her, but Tann. “I’d be beyond furious if a high-title position like yours was ripped from me and I was, instead, offered a pity one." He shook his head, tilting it towards her in a sideways glance. "Ignore him, Ainsley. You have more grace in your pinky than he does in his entirety.”

Her giggle caught him off guard at first. Reyes fully glanced over, pausing to find the happiest twinkle in her lovingly-green eyes that he’d never seen or noticed before – There were stars in her eyes, bright constellations forming near-endless galaxies, and it’s a universe he’d happily get lost in. A universe he'd happily throw himself into, forgetting all else exists.

It was laughable, honestly, how enthralled he was by her then, a soft hum etching itself through his hearing and blurring his field of vision around her head, focusing on _her_ and only _her_ , his _world_ , before his gaze flickered down to catch her lips moving, though no sound was escaping.

That brought him back to reality.

"Reyes Vidal," he slowly focused just as she scoffed, and he only briefly caught her rolling her eyes. When had they stopped walking? What were they just doing? “Were you even listening to me?”

An uneasy smirk etched itself across his face. Did he really just zone out? That wasn't normal. “Of course I was.”

“Uh huh.” He could feel her watching him, the bob of his throat as he swallowed thickly one that steadied him as she continued. “What was I saying, then?”

It was a reach, but not much of one. He carded a hand through his messy hair. “You were talking about how handsome I was.”

“Oh, totally. What was I saying _exactly_?”

“That I’m the hottest man you’ve ever seen in your entire life, and that you feel blessed to even know me.”

She snorted, shaking her head. “You’re insufferable.”

“I’m lovingly _tolerable_.”

She sighed, the chime of the tram arriving making her shoulders fall. Oh. They were waiting for the tram. “I just... I don’t know what I’m going to do about this whole situation with Tann right now, Reyes. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I’m not sure if I’ll even be allowed back. And it was over something stupid, too!”

“Why did he dig into you so hard over spacing out?” Reyes offered his arm for support as she stepped in, which she meekly turned down. He quirked a brow, and she shook her head before he continued. “I mean, you totally didn’t just wake up from a six-hundred-year nap days before, right?”

She snorted. Her hand reflexively reached for the railing off to her side, tight-knuckling it; She didn't want to have to rely on him for support with doing everything physically. That was the last thing she wanted. Especially _now_. “Right? Anyways, I mean… God. They were arguing, and I had figured that since they were, I could maybe just let myself relax for a second and catch my breath. They can argue for _hours_ , but the next thing I know, he’s in my face and angry because I zoned out.”

“It might’ve been the situation – Heated from the argument, perhaps,” the whir of the tram humming to life made his words wobble. She strained to hear them. “And he decided to take it out on you.”

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

“As my mother used to lovingly say – Everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, there’s always a purpose behind what happens. I know you’ll be fine, _mi vida_." She's heard him call her that a few times, now. She wasn't sure what it meant. He wouldn't ever tell her, just that it was a 'friendly nickname'. "You’re strong, as I’ve said _many_ times before, and Tann’s a blind fucker if he doesn’t realize what he’s doing to the Nexus by doing this to you.”

“I mean, I guess so –“ She caught his gaze, and the sureness in it, alight like a ferocious flame unmatched, made her falter.

"No," he said it with such conviction, with such confidence, that she felt like she could do anything that she put even the most minuscule amount of thought into. He always had that effect on her. He probably always will. “I _know_ so.”

* * *

  
The twist of his wrist and the gentle tap of his fingers against the holographic screen gave way to the steady hiss of hydraulics, metal-upon-metal reluctantly pulling apart to reveal the slick interior of his apartment.

They’d spent a week fixing it.

After she was pulled from her position, she threw caution to the wind and joined him on his grand adventure to scrape together the torn pieces of furniture to put them back together. It helped to keep her from regressing into her brain, stuck in her thoughts, as did the side work that Kesh managed to sneak into her greedy hands whenever she could and the science and lab teams including her in what they could. It was a subtle  _fuck you_ to Tann. But Reyes?

He always helped.

The room definitely resembled more of what his personality is, now – The walls had been painted an off-set black, tinted by make-shift paint they’d found in one of the storage facilities scattered throughout Operations. It was originally for ships’ lettering, but that didn’t matter. That was the most drastic cosmetic change, as the rest of the room remained the same with laid-bare laminate flooring and stock furniture that’d been shoddily put back together, but it felt more like him. It _embodied_ more of him.

She noticed that Reyes had already hung up the pictures he’d stuffed into his stasis pod with him. It wasn’t allowed, of course, things inside of their pods. But he had told her that he didn’t care. She also told him that he'd probably wake up with them glued to his body. He quipped that he had, and that it hurt, before they dissolved into laughter.

Pictures upon pictures of his family posing awkwardly with matching shirts, changing to them curled around his exhausted mother’s hospital bed, melting into them cuddled up by their fireplace and wrapped around their pets, were hung in various tangents of the room –

It was his little piece of home. And she loved it.

The last picture that caught her attention, though, resting on his ashen-grey coffee table, was one of them together. In the center of Afterlife, colored by paint-splashed lights and neon reverberations that settled against their skin like an abstract painting in adorned streaks. They were mid-laugh, of course, her cheeks stained red by alcohol and his eyes bloodshot amidst his bright grin, but his arm was thrown over her shoulder and her cheek was pressed against his.

She could feel it. 

She could  _hear_  their laughter, squashed beneath the amalgamation of noises and voices that littered the air of the bouncing club, hidden beneath the steady thrum of the too-loud music. She could feel his touch, still, lingering against her shoulder, a soft warmth cascading down her spine and leaving her breathless.

Ainsley’s fingers trailed over its frame, careful, as if her light touch would make it crumble beneath her hand. They looked so happy and carefree together.  ** _We_** _look so happy together,_  her mind idly added _._ Perfect, almost. She glanced up, catching the sight of Reyes settled down on his leather couch to examine what he’d brought back from his locker, and it hit her, then.

Like a weight none other than a crushing realization that chilled her skin and dotted dizzying goosebumps across her body, stealing her breath away and squeezing her lungs until she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think –

Home.

He’s  _home_.

He’s her own piece of home, brought with her to a new galaxy. Something familiar, something there, something that’s been with her through the moments where she thought she couldn’t go on. Something that’s helped her up through the hours late at night where she just couldn’t seem to pull herself back together. He was the stitch that kept her heart sewn, safe.

He…

No.

The sharp recoil her brain shot through her mind made the room spin. It felt sick, this realization. Out of place. Not right, not proper, not when it should have happened, or when it should be – _What do I do with that?_

_Nothing._ Her brain numbly reminded herself, the frayed vision of his silhouette against the shadowed wall across from her one that will haunt her memories for years to come. A pinch in her heart made her flinch, and she swallowed thickly.  _This doesn't mean anything. You're looking too into it, reading too far into the lines. He’s –_

The static-lined blip of a transmission etching itself through her omni-tool, bursting it to life in an orange flame amidst the dim lighting of his living room, caught her attention before she could dwell on that thought for too long. _“Ainsley,”_ it was a relief to hear Kesh’s voice, and she was grateful for the distraction. _“I need you down in my office – I believe we’ve figured out a way to finalize the last few notches on our life support to bring it back to life.”_

“Really?” Her mind shut off, falling into an effortless auto-pilot. Bliss. Euphoric, ignorant bliss. “Different than the idea I had with the inertias last week?”

_“Yes. Calix has been here day in and day out, running through algorithms and calculations with me in your absence – He thinks he’s finally got it.”_ Her gaze met Reyes’ as she spoke, and her lips pressed together at the softest pinch at the base of her stomach. Not now. She swallowed it down. _“The damage on it was unlike anything else, as you already know, but his idea would be easier to explain to you in person. It’s a little… Unconventional.”_

“Oh, okay.” Her eyes slowly narrowed when she dwelled on that word. Her hand met his, and he squeezed it as she continued. “Unconventional _how_?”

_“Just… Come to Operations.”_

* * *

  
The rush of hydraulics hissing steadied her frayed nerves as she stepped into Kesh’s office, twisting the hem of her olive-lined jacket. That was one thing her brain skimmed over from her locker - She'd almost forgotten it, and it brought a sense of comfort to her like none other. A warm smile cast over the krogan’s shoulder eased her further, relaxing her hands to fall numbly to her side when motioned to join them.

“Calix, Kesh,” Ainsley cleared her throat, settling behind the desk’s chair that the turian was resting in. His mandibles shifted idly, propped up by the press of his talons as unseeing eyes watched data flicker in front of him, endless. Has he moved since last week? “How’s it going?”

“Good, all things considered. The science team had finally,  _fully_ awakened the day before, and we called them in to assist us with this.” Calix hummed, and she ignored the slightest pang of hurt at being left out. _Suck it up_. “We believe there’s a problem with some of the rotors on the engine, damaged when we collided with the Scourge. There’s also a few system failures involving the protective barrier outside of the room that it's in. Problem is, none of us can leave the ship to survey the outside while we’re still so close to the Scourge itself.”

“We’ve only allowed exploration teams to leave with highly-trained personnel that knows how to maneuver around it,” Kesh started. The first person that popped into her mind was Reyes. He hasn't reached any proper star systems yet, but he's excited to.  _Focus, Ainsley._ “Otherwise, there’s a ship-wide curfew in effect – Nobody is allowed outside of the ship, save for those with the proper clearance.”

“Can’t you get clearance from Tann? Wait – Don't answer that. I know that answer. I know him.” Ainsley shook her head, pressing her fingers against her forehead. She sounded so bitter. And honestly? She's allowed to be. “He’s not for ‘expending those resources on unnecessary things’, right?”

“Right,” Kesh sighed.

Freckled fingers met the ginger’s temple, stuck on a thought. She sucked in a quick breath. “Is it still on a low-power draw?”

“It is. We haven’t had a chance to swap it for the higher one – We changed it just before we left, given that we’d be safe inside of our stasis pods in case of a malfunction. The team that was supposed to be awakened before the majority of us would have for wake-up protocols didn’t get a chance to change it before the Scourge hit.”

“Okay, problem number one.” Ainsley ran a hand through her hair, catching on the knots at the base of her skull. She soothed them out. “Where’s that core?”

“Locked in a storage facility on the docking bay.” Calix quipped, folding his arms over his broad chest. “That nobody is allowed on without proper clearance, and Tann doesn’t want to spare any of the people _with_ clearance to deal with this. Says it doesn’t matter.”

“Because life support isn’t important,” Ainsley rolled her eyes, folding her arms across her chest. Of course he would – Nothing matters other than that damn lizard and his erratic power trip. She thought this was supposed to be an unconventional method, like Kesh had told her, but she had a feeling it wasn't as simple as she deemed it to be. However, one person's name lingered on the tip of her tongue, twirling through her thoughts whenever she tried to focus on anyone else, and it urged her to blurt it out before she could think twice. “I can get clearance.”

The rise of Kesh’s brows took Ainsley back. Why did she look so surprised? The disbelief in her voice only furthered that shock. She tucked it away to deal with it later. “You can?”

She nodded. “I know somebody that –“

“Hey!” A rough, deep voice broke through the sudden, assaulting hiss of hydraulics, the steady thrum of heavy-trodden footsteps ripping through the air and wobbling the few bits of clutter on Kesh’s desk. It was punctuated by erratic squeaks, broken by partial, frantic cries for help. “Caught this guy snoopin’ ‘round outside your office, ru’shan.”

Ainsley looked over, her heart nearly stopping in her chest, and she couldn’t control her grin at the sight. “Drack! You have…” Her grin slowly faded as her eyes trailed over to a terrified salarian wildly flailing in his iron-tight grip, fighting against the squeeze of his scaled hands with fear unabashed in his wide, beady eyes. Her voice cracked. “…Javek?”

Drack raised him higher, the grip on the boy’s ankle tightening and heightened by a frightened cry. “You know him?”

“Ainsley?!” It was ironic, actually, how squeaky Javek’s usually high, nasally voice had gotten. Borderline, it was almost a scream, his words rushing over one another before they had a moment to fully form. “Please, please, _please_ tell him that _I’m not_ _snooping_! I was gathering my data for Kesh before coming in, and he’d caught me just as I was typing it into –“

“Pah! Excuses.”

“Drack,” the commanding tone of Kesh’s voice made her shiver. The fact that Drack hadn’t even flinched spoke levels of their relationship. “Drop Si’Lo. You know he’s our botanist.”

“Yeah, I know.” The shit-eating grin that pulled at his thin, wide lips made her roll her eyes. It almost seemed as if he were challenging her to make another move, unwavering in his stance. “I just like watching this kid nearly shit himself.”

Calix snorted. “Your grandfather is as lovely as ever, Kesh.”

“I do my best,” that seemed to do it. Drack grumbled under his breath at the turian’s idle remark, letting the salarian go with an irritated grunt. He stomped over to Kesh while Javek scurried away, pausing to give her a knowing nod, before abruptly pulling Ainsley into his arms to dig his calloused knuckles into her messy hair. She squeaked, and he grinned. “Glad to see you up and moving – Heard what happened to your legs and thought, ‘Well, fuck’.”

“That was my exact thought process, too.” Usually, she’d avidly fight against him messing up her hair. This time, though? It felt different. It felt more reassuring than annoying, a strange familiarity she’s missed since waking up. She's missed him. “I’ll live, though.”

He pulled back, the feel of his scaled palms resting on her shoulders a warm comfort as his eyes trailed down from her eyes to land on her legs. The most minuscule amount of hesitation in his voice made her lips press together, and the quiet rumble of his question made her frown. The subtle hint of worry in his words? It made her chest _ache_. “Is it bad?”

“Yes, and no.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Yes," she smiled. "As in I’ll probably never walk properly ever again, and no, as in I’m stubborn as hell and I’ll survive. They thought I wouldn’t be able to walk, but here I am." She shrugged, holding her arms out to the side and wiggling them as viciously as she could manage. "Moving. With splints, but moving.”

That earned the biggest grin from him. A surge of pride danced through his eyes, heightening the way his features lit up at her effortless confidence - Just like her father. He knew that wasn’t easy _or_ natural for her, and the fact that she could face something like this and not crumble like before made his hearts constrict painfully in his chest. “You’re right – Stubborn just like your goddamn dad. That can’t be easy, though. Any pain?”

“It comes and goes.”

Drack huffed, more under his breath than anything else. “I know how that shit feels.”

Right – She’d almost forgotten that he’s nearly made entirely out of prosthetics. That thought formed a quiet question in the back of her mind, but she tucked it away into a long-forgotten pocket; It was the last thing she wanted to think about right now. She turned her attention back to Kesh, twiddling her thoughts back to the matter at hand. “As I was saying, I know somebody that has clearance.”

“Who?”

“A…” She lingered on the thought. Her stomach twisted into uneasy knots. “A friend.”

It was almost telling, the slightest chuff from the krogan stood beside her. Kesh surveyed her for a moment, uncertain whether to question her hesitation, but decided to forget it. For now. “Who?”

“Is it Reyes?” Javek asked, glancing up from his spot by Kesh’s desk. He’d already busied himself with turning in his research to her terminal, albeit with a furious blush on his face – It was standard paperwork on what little progress he’s made with their seeds, punctuated by forms that were mostly just officiating the title transfer from Parker to him. “He has clearance.”

“Reyes Vidal?” Drack scoffed, shooting her an uneasy look. “You’re running with _that_ moron?”

“Uh,” the defensive tone her voice took on in the flip of a dime at the mention of his name being belittled made her stomach drop. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Ran into him a few times on Omega.” His arms folded across his broad chest, following the shift of his weight from one heavy foot to the other. He shrugged, nonchalant, and it made her blood boil. “Shitty guy.”

“How is he  _shitty_?” It took all of her willpower not to force air-quotes around every word that wanted to drip with sarcasm. No, she had to contain herself. Her mother’s voice rang in her ears, a silent whisper of keeping calm making her bite her tongue. Only  _barely_. “If you’ve only ‘ran’ into him a few times, Drack, then you really can’t have a proper judge of character on him just yet.”

“Ran into him as in, got into shit involving him in the middle of fuckin’ gang fights. To add insult to injury, he wasn’t even doing  _jackshit_ , just watchin’ from the shadows like some dumbass.” He snorted. “I go by my gut feeling, kid. And the feeling I got from him those few times  _wasn’t_ good.”

Her blood ran cold, settling a tumultuous chill down her spine. Gang fights? What is he talking about? When had those ever happened? Something fell into the back of her heart, something that she didn’t want to think about, and she swallowed thickly, hoping that the tremble in her voice wasn’t as audible as she thought. “What?”

“He ran with bad people, Ainsley.” Each word he spoke only deepened the thrum of her heartbeat through her veins. She almost couldn’t hear him. “He wasn’t known around Omega for  _good_  things. He’s stolen shit, done hits on people I’ve known, and tried to pull things out from under high-tier gang leaders’ noses thinkin’ that he was a piece of goddamn thresher maw and  _more,_ not including the rumors spread about him. He’s not a good guy.”

“That was his past.” No, she was adamant. That  _had_  to have been out of necessity. Right? He wouldn’t just…  _Do_  things like that. Willingly. Not the Reyes that she knows. Not the Reyes that she’s spent hours awake with at night, talking about any and everything that came to mind, right as soon as it had. Something felt off, and she didn’t like it. She couldn't breathe. “This is his  _now_. You’re not of any right to judge him, and I –”

“Ainsley,” Kesh’s interjected made her pause, red-faced and heated. “We can have more in-depth arguments about this later, when we’re not faced with imminent death by life support failure. He’s one of our pilots, right?”

“Yeah,” Ainsley let out a soft breath. She swallowed thickly. “He works under Kallo Jath.”

“Call him.”

* * *

  
“Put that one over there,” Reyes said in an aside over his shoulder to an asari passing by, trudging the pack full of needed supplies up the ramp of his ship. One step followed after the other, and his mind couldn’t help but wander back to the woman that seems to be stuck in his mind on an endless repeat, lingering on the fringes of his subconscious and bestowing a smile upon him that only she could –

_Chirp._

The familiar chime of his omni-tool pinging broke him from his thoughts and made him hesitate at the entrance to his ship’s cargo hold. Thick brows furrowed as he flicked his wrist, a warm wash of orange bathing across his sharp features in such a vivid contrast to the dim interior of his ship, only to find the only name that could make him smile –

Ainsley.

“Speak of the devil,” it was hard to miss the joy that hid in his voice as he answered her call, glancing around for a spot to sit down. “Or, in this case, an angel – I was just thinking about you.”

_“Behave,”_ Ainsley snorted. He could almost feel her rolling her eyes through their call. He loved it.  _“I’m not alone.”_

“Or what, you’ll spank me?”

_“Reyes!”_

The sleazy grin that pulled at his full lips furthered that little voice in the back of his head to poke at her more, to prod her just a _little_ bit more, but he resisted. One step after the other followed as he walked up to the top of the ramp and sat down, biting his tongue for a moment, before speaking. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

_“Kesh and I -“_

A nasally voice chipped in. _“And Javek! Oh, and Calix.”_

_“…Yes, Kesh and I were talking with a few others about, uh… A few ways to fix the Nexus’ life support."_  She sighed. He wished he could be there to grab her hand in reassurance. He knew how frustrating this got for her. _"There appears to be an issue with the core – We need to get something out of the storage hold on one of the docking bays, but none of us have clearance. There’s a ship-wide curfew barring people without clearance from leaving the ship due to the hazard the Scourge presents.”_

“Ah,” he lazily smiled. Always a catch-two. Not that he minded her asking, though. “I see where I come in.”

_“Exactly.”_ A soft punctuation moment of silence laid between them, her thoughts near-tangible through the wavelengths when he hesitated to answer, before she took in a quick breath. _“And have I told you how much I love you?”_

“You know I’m always willing to help you, Ainsley.” He skirted around the phrase she so casually tossed around in public – Not that he minded it, not in the least bit, but… He didn’t really know. It’s felt strange for him to say it back to her, lately. Usually, he wouldn’t hesitate, but things have started to feel… _Different._ Somehow. In a way that he couldn't truly think about. But that’s for another time. “There’s no need to bribe me – Though, I won’t say no to your gushing about me some more around other people.”

She happily sighed. It was visible through the blips of static, those around her face-palming at her rambunctious smile. _“Isn’t he just lovely? Absolutely wonderful. This is how every man should act, truly.”_

“Love it.” Reyes nodded his head, the sleazy grin slowly softening into a gentle, little smile. Or big, actually, given that the longer he listened to her gush, the bigger it got. “Which docking bay is it on?”

Ainsley paused. _“That is a **very**  good question.”_

He could hear a few voices whispering behind her, careful not to give away too much information; It made him take a moment to collect himself, tired eyes staring out into the horizon of the vast docking bay he’d been stocking his ship on –

It was strange, honestly, how much the tumultuous expanse of dark space stretching over the broad windows like an endless sea, nebula upon nebula, star upon star, distant galaxies twisting and turning amidst the endless burn of planets, could make his stomach wring into knots; How the slightest thought of the fact that they were floating aimlessly, centuries away from any sort of civilization, slowly ebbing off of the few supplies they’d barely managed to salvage, was able to tweak against the weakest point of his knees –

Were they going to die?

It felt like it.

_Not everyone gets their happy, new beginning._

Something peculiar spiked his thoughts, then, making his skin crawl and constricting his throat the longer it crossed his mind; Their food supply was dwindling. It was _rapidly_ diminishing under the weight of more people being added to the mix by the hour it seemed, a disaster waiting to strike amidst their malfunctioning life support. That in and of itself wasn’t what bothered him really, no – 

What bothered him was the stark realization of their new reality. If Javek didn’t fix their radiated seed supply  _soon_ , then they were going to run out of food. People were going to start starving. People were going to die.  _They’re_ going to die.

Another thought hit him before he could refuse it, then; It dropped in his stomach and clung to his ankles like a dead weight, effortlessly stealing his breath away while tracing ghost-like chills spindling up his spine and ushering indiscernible goosebumps across every inch of his skin that encased his body in cemented ice. Ainsley - 

A shiver ate away at his spine.

The very thought, the very  _whisper_  of the idea of her last breath leaving her before his very eyes, smothering his every thought and rendering him completely and utterly helpless with the insatiable itch to do  _something, anything_ , was one that took the last breadth of his soul away. It crushed his chest into a million, microscopic pieces and ripped his heart into mere iotas of what once was never to be –

_“Reyes?”_

He swallowed thickly at the pitch of her voice through his omni-tool, shaking his head as though it would throw the thought away. When had tears started to blur his vision? Irrelevant.  _Stop it._   _Compose yourself. This is childish. You're not childish._ His leg uselessly bobbed, the rhythmic tap of his boot’s heel against the slotted, metal floor steadying him. “Yeah?”

_“Is everything okay? I told you where it was and you kinda zoinked out on me there.”_

“I’m fine,” it was a vain hope that she hadn’t picked up on how hoarse his voice sounded. He cleared his throat, running a calloused hand through his messily up-swept hair. “Which one was it again? I got lost.”

She snorted. She hadn’t. Good.  _“Again? Jesus, you goof – Docking D25. Just a lift above yours.”_

Reyes nodded his head, though nobody was around to see it. It was to steady himself, the slightest shake one that finally rattled the thought from his brain and wished it away in a bated breath. “On my way.”

* * *

_  
“All of our seed banks are still radiated?"_ It wasn’t a good idea, Ainsley had told them. That they shouldn’t tell him just yet, to wait until they had their life support issues fixed and down pat, so that way they could focus on the next pressing matter – But it seemed like nobody ever wanted to listen to her. _“Every single one of them?”_

“Yes,” Javek’s voice didn’t waver this time. She was proud of him. They decided to call Tann while waiting for Reyes to search for the storage facility. And, _God_ , it was a shitty decision. “I’ve tried so many different ways to bring them back to life – I tapped into our science labs and worked with every available scientist we have awake, trying different formulas and excerpts from various manuals, but nothing’s worked. I’ve tried countless suggestions from other salarian botanists, and –”

_“Do you have **any** positive news?” _ Addison cut in. It was tangible, the shake of her head, and if he read into her tone long enough, he could hear the softest hint of a scold just hidden below her words.

“I’m…” His voice trembled, and his shoulders fell. Ainsley's hand met his lower back, and he let out a soft breath he hadn't realized he was holding. “I’m afraid not.”

_“Well,”_ Ainsley hadn’t anticipated the cut of Sloane’s voice in through their comms. _“Shit.”_

“Sloane?" Her voice hesitated to work, but when it did, it came out a little too fast. "I didn’t realize you were there with them.”

_“I’m not."_  For once in the entirety of Ainsley knowing her, she didn't sound irritated. She sounded focused. _"I’m out near some shoddy hallway just outside of Operations. Caught wind of some fishy activity going on from some morons that've just woken up, so I went to check it out.”_

Ainsley glanced up at Kesh, and the knowing look in her gaze prompted her into action. Sloane was the only one the two of them trusted without hesitation. Why? She wasn't sure, really. It was an unspoken pact, gazes meeting amidst the yelling of Tann in the previous meeting, her _last_ meeting, that set the tone for their strange partnership. They've communicated daily, telling each other of their ongoing issues, and helping whenever they could. She hasn't felt this close to anyone in a long while. “What kind of fishy activity?”

_“Rather not discuss it over open comms, considering where I am and what's going on."_  She cleared her throat. _"If you’re nearby, we can talk.”_

“I’m on my way now.” A look cast over her shoulder was met by knowing nods, the mere shrug of Drack’s shoulders making her feel at ease as she smiled. She clicked her omni-tool off, and ran her hands through her hair. “I’ll be back soon – I just want to make sure that everything’s okay with Sloane. If Reyes messages me, I’ll let you know.”

* * *

  
One twist around the corner through the open doors, followed by the sharp bend of a curve that led into an adjacent hallway, brought her to the heels of Sloane. She stood at a terminal, hidden away in a corner that was tucked into a strange darkness that hung over her like a cloud, shrouding her body in mystery. It was frightening, almost, the rigidity of her posture and the square of her shoulders as her heterochromatic eyes were trained on the orange glow of her omni-tool, vivid lights cast against rough shadows in a brilliant display.

“Sloane –“

The point of her finger quieted her.

Ainsley inched closer, catching the sight of heat signatures spiking on the holographic screen spread out above her wrist. Data played on repeat across the screen of the terminal, following in sync with each movement given. Green eyes narrowed, hands lamely hanging in the air as she watched the scene play out -

There were two signatures. One was colder than the other, but there – Possibly a salarian, given their typical cold-blooded nature. A human, most likely, given by how vivid the colors were, stood beside them. Slightly indiscernible, but there. Wide, almost like a krogan, but... It was difficult to tell, really.

No audio was available, given that their comms system was barely holding on by a thread to the slightest hint of static connecting their system-wide one, but the visible evidence was all that they needed to see what’s going on. It would've helped to understand it, to find that little bit of context needed, but at this point, they couldn't complain about it.

“They’re by the docking bay,” Sloane’s voice was a hair above a whisper. Why? They were alone. It was as if she read her thoughts, then, glancing up to meet her gaze with an irritated grimace. “There’s surveillance cameras all around us. Video doesn’t work, but the audio does. We’ve had issues with some jackass tapping into them lately to gather intel, so keep your voice down.”

“Intel?” Ainsley’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Thick brows knotted together, met by the pinch of two fingers against the bridge of her nose. Her voice fell softer, and Ainsley had to strain to hear it. “You weren’t here for it. We’ve had issues after reawakening some of the crew for reconstruction purposes – Apparently, someone had managed to get up when they weren’t supposed to, and pulled a few of their friends out with them.”

The shock in her voice was hard to miss. “Oh, my God. Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Need to figure out who got the code and _how_. Tann won’t talk about it, which is suspicious as all-fucking-hell, but Addison won’t, either. Either way, goddamn irritating.” She paused. “Can't believe I'm telling you this, but you’re one of the only ones with your goddamn heads screwed on properly right now. You and Kesh. The rest can kiss my arse.”

That made Ainsley smile. The curve of her lips seemed to have irritated the woman, but she decided to ignore it. She thinks she reads too far into her expressions sometimes. It's been difficult, getting close enough for Sloane to feel comfortable with talking to her openly like this, but they've made leaps and bounds of progress. Dying together does that. “How far have you gotten into this case?”

Sloane took in a sharp breath. She leaned in closer after a spare glance around them, and she sighed, as if a weight had just been laid upon her shoulders at that very moment. “Not very. Between the pressing issues with our malfunctioning security systems and Kesh’s difficulties with our life support, I’ve had hardly any time to keep a close eye on this. And Tann won’t spare even the slightest goddamn thing to look into this case for me. He doesn’t think it’ll go far, given that we’re stranded where we are currently. But, that’s impossible.”

“I mean, we’ve got ships." Her hands idly gestured as she continued, uncertain whether to be over the top or subtle. A mix, really. "We’ve got dumbasses with big ideas blowing smoke up their ass because they want to do something _now_ and not wait until the right time for shit to be done.” Her hand rubbed an irritated pattern down her face, right over her nose. “Guess that old time saying is right – If you want it done right, you gotta do it yourself.”

“I mean," she wasn't expecting to catch the woman's gaze just like that, but she had. And it made her falter. "I could help.”

"Ha!" The sudden spurt of laughter that abruptly escaped her made the ginger falter. A ragged gasp broke through each giggle that wrecked her body, absurdly loud against the static-lined quiet of the hallway they stood in. Sloane sniffled, wiping away a tear forming in her eye. “You’re not serious, right?”

When she hesitated to answer, the slightest tense in Sloane's shoulders only heightened that fear to speak up again. It took Ainsley a moment to compose herself, to bring her mind back down from the sudden self-hating spree that wanted to trickle through her thoughts, before she finally caught her courage to speak up. More confidently than not. “I am.”

Heterochromatic eyes slowly narrowed, and she suddenly couldn't think. Was it out of disbelief? Or was it out of the sheer annoyance of her even asking?

“Ainsley.”

The way she said her name caused a breath to hitch in her chest. She nodded.

“This isn’t your department.”

“You wanted help.” Ainsley shrugged. Her mind was screaming while her heart paced an unsteady beat inside of her ribcage, hard and never-ending, but she stayed resilient. She could trust Sloane. She could. “Beggars can’t be choosers. If Tann and the likes aren’t willing to help you, then let me, someone rejected from the leadership, do it. You won’t get flack for it, but I will.”

“I’ll pretend you didn’t just say flack to me. Shit,” Sloane sighed, leaning her hip against the side of the terminal in thought. The cold seeped in through her undersuit, spreading the strangest warmth blossoming through her chest despite its chilled exterior, and she shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but fine.”

“I just..." She wasn't really sure what she wanted. Or what she needed, really, her thoughts mish-mashing into one flurried mess as she tried to find the proper words to explain what she was feeling. "I just need something to do other than sitting in Kesh’s office trying to do the job that Calix seems more suited for.”

Sloane hummed, tilting her head to the side. “Isn’t that what you were hired on for, though? Being Kesh’s assistant.”

“I mean, yeah. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore working for Kesh, I just..." She took in a soft breath, and the idle shrug of her shoulders was more defeated than anything else. "I don't feel needed anymore. And you heard what happened not too long ago. Tann wouldn’t –“

“Fuck what that moron thinks, Ainsley. That idiot is on a power trip," once it started to come out, she couldn't stop it. "He has no bloody idea what he's doing and he  _knows_ it. He thinks separating us will disband us, making us not want to join up on him to call him on his bullshit. Not to mention that Kesh and I have been acting as if you’re still a part of the team _anyways_ , so to hell with him. He –“

_“Ainsley,”_ the familiar, rich timbre of a voice breaking through her omni-tool quieted the on-coming rant from Sloane. Ainsley hesitated, before it registered in her brain, and her heart lurched in her chest. Reyes. _“I found the storage facility.”_

“Awesome!" To say that she lit up from hearing him talk was an understatement. Sloane intimidated her, and she hasn't felt this nervous around anyone in a long while. The sound of him speaking felt like the light at the end of the tunnel breaking through her decaying confidence and building it back up, just like that. "Can you see if –“

_“Wait.”_ A soft, drawn-out silence slowly hung over them as his voice chirped and mellowed out into the static-lined wavelengths between them, only the faintest hint of fabric rustling breaking it. Was he getting into cover? Something sharp pinched the space between her heart and her ribs, something that raised goosebumps across her skin.  _“There’s someone in here. I thought it was empty.”_

"Wait, what?" Her heart stopped beating, hung up on an intake. “Who?”

_“A salarian.”_ He hesitated, and she could feel it. He was weighing his options.  _"Not just a salarian. It looks like a krogan as well, but there might be others. They're standing around a powered-down shuttle."_

“Wait a minute," the sense of urgency in Sloane's voice only heightened the panic swelling at the back of her brain the longer she dwelled on the thought. She looked over at her, and her breath caught in her chest. "Which docking bay is he on?”

"Uh..." Her voice came out wobbly. Scared. Her body was seized by terror, and it took her a moment to recall that information. “D25.”

“Oh," it was muttered in an aside, barely audible, but there. Sharp, and under her breath. "Fuck.”

Ainsley couldn't breathe. “What?”

Sloane grasped the edges of the terminal, pressing her thumb pad against the side before the heat signatures shuddered from her omni-tool, flickering to life and casting its bright vision across the terminal's screen. It played endless colors in a stark cast over their bodies, blinding under the dim lighting of the hallway. “That meeting I was telling you about –"

Her grip tightened as she looked over her shoulder, meeting Ainsley's gaze. "That’s where I think they’re meeting. The docking bay he's on.”

"They - Are they - Are they weaponed?" Her lip trembled. The rush of thoughts that surged through her brain, rendering her useless and simply a bumbling mess, echoed a tremor through her body. Stay calm. Breathe. "I mean, do they have weapons? Guns? Knives? Are they dangerous? How many are there?" Her eyes pleadingly searched hers for an answer that she knew she wouldn't get. She lifted her wrist. "Reyes, can you tell me anything else about them?"

_"I can't tell, Ains."_  He almost sounded like he was struggling, then. His voice was strained and if she knew him as well as she did, he was probably crouched, hidden behind cover to get a better line of sight on them. Her skin crawled. She felt helpless.  _"They're moving around and, from my position, I can't get a good enough angle to tell if they're armed."_

For the first time since she's known her, Sloane looked remorseful. Shocked, almost, like she couldn't figure out the solution for this. Her, the person always with an answer. "I can't answer that either, Ainsley. We don't have visuals on them. And because we don't have visuals, and we don't know if they're bloody morons ready to wage a war, I can't just send out a goddamn alert. Panic the station for no fucking reason over one person."

_One person._ Her lips pressed together to stifle a bitter laugh. "If - If gunshots are fired on one of the docking bays, don't you think it'd cause station-wide panic? They'd think -"

"No." Sloane's eyes narrowed. "The walls leading to the docking bay are sound-proof, Ainsley. Protects against the sound of a shuttle taking off." She said it with such conviction, as if it were cold-hard evidence. A fact. The weight of the words that followed it sent a rush of anxiety coursing through her veins and coating her nerve-endings with sparks. "We can't help him."

“Reyes,” Ainsley grasped her wrist just as soon as those words left her. She couldn't breathe. Why? She has no idea. She doesn't know. She didn't know. All that she knew was that her best friend, someone that holds her heart in the palm of their hands, someone that's become the center of her heart and soul, the center of every single one of her thoughts, was in danger. And that? That rendered her speechless. She struggled to find the words, her voice cracking as she fervently shook her head. _No._ “You need to get out of there. You - You need to -"

_“I can’t,”_ he hummed under his breath, and if the thrumming beat of her heart wasn't going to be the end of her, then the suspense of not knowing what he was doing was going to be the final blow. _“They’re just outside the one you wanted me to look in, and I’m not about to leave without what you asked for. A gentleman doesn't just -”_

“I – Reyes, you _literally_ -" Her mouth opened and closed, struggling to figure out what to say. She didn't mean to yell, but the panic encasing her throat and etching itself down her spine, holding her stock-still and pulsating between her crushing lungs, took control of her. The desperation in her voice was laughable, and the near-sting of instant tears made her stomach drop like a dead weight at her feet. "Don't be _stupid_ , Reyes! Get out of there! I don't give a fuck about the thing I had asked for anymore!”

_I can't lose him._

The silence between his replies was painful. It hurt. Everything hurt, the pound of her head compiled with the throb of her heart lurched in the back of her throat enough to make her nauseous.

_Not yet._

His answer came, and her heart sank through her chest. It melted through her stomach, pooling at her hips.  _“No.”_

“Oh, my God. Reyes, that wasn’t a request. It’s a _demand_." The authority in her voice was rare. It was strange, a foreigner against the usual timidness of her words, gone. Her hand carded through the center of her hair, pausing at her forehead to grasp handfuls of the ginger locks, before twisting. It stung, pulling her eyelids and breaking through the muted peace that hid in the peripheral vision of her brain. Stars burst at the edges, blinding. "You’re going to leave and get out of there _this instant._ We can find another way to get it. That's legitimately the _least_ of my worries right now. We can figure something else out."

He didn't answer. Did he even want to? Her throat constricted. Had he been seen?

Thoughts cascaded through her mind like a roaring waterfall, splattering across her vision in splotches of white. She couldn't stop them. She couldn't stop herself.

"You are the _only_ thing that I care about right now." Her voice trembled then as she watched the heat signatures spike on the terminal ahead, straining to get the next words out at the lurch of her heart while the vivid colors overhead danced in circles over her pale skin. It was a sullen vulnerability. Typical for her, but atypical then; Different. Soft. Almost like a gentle-spoken whisper, but broken by tears. "I need you, okay? And I -”

The thrum of the line starting to drop flipped a switch in her chest, cutting through her aimless gush of words. His voice came through the wavelengths warbled and distorted, straining against the pull of static that threatened to swallow it alive. It didn't sound like him. It didn't feel like him. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. It wasn't him.  _“Ains -– l -- ey, I –“_

With a swallowed echo, the line dropped before he could finish his breath.

_Not yet._

And her heart sank. Her mind was numb, stuck on a broken plea. It was a whisper in the wind, swallowed by the gasp that ripped from the center of her collapsing lungs. It felt like stardust, tearing from her heart and sputtering out like ashes spread before her, laid bare. “Reyes?”

_Not yet._  The silence ripped through her brain, and her eyes searched for an answer that hesitated to come. Not _yet, **please** -_

But it never came.


End file.
